Overcoming Social Anxiety Disorder

I have had social anxiety disorder since I was very young. Of course, as a child and teen I didn't know what it was called, I only knew that I felt really anxious when I was around a lot of people or even a few people for a long time. I love my family, but hated family gatherings. On Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Independence day I would take my daughter to grandma's and she was in her element. I would greet everyone, chat for a bit, then look for a place to hide. Grandpa doesn't like crowds either, so he was usually ensconced in his "smoking room", a small room in the garage. I would join him for awhile, and inevitably other family members would destroy our solitude as they came to talk to Grandpa about hunting, politics, or whatever family members were grinding the rumor mill. So I'd leave them to it, and find another place in the house not occupied by laughing, talkative family members. Much of my holiday was finding a place to "hide". Then there was shopping. Wal-Mart was awful- hordes of people everywhere searching for a bargain, stopping up the checkout lines, and just plain crowding the place! Soon I knew the best times to shop at Wal-Mart (after midnight 'til 6am for 24 hour stores, and early Sunday morning for the rest) and which grocery stores had the shortest checkout times-who cares about prices when I can get in and out quickly! Much of my life revolved around avoiding anxiety producing situations. It hobbled me. Once my employer (I was a housekeeper) invited me to go to a hockey game with her family. I liked this family, and had never been to a live sporting event- it sounded like fun! But I politely declined. I was so disappointed. I wanted to go, was going to say yes at first. But then I started thinking of the ride there in a crowded car, the crowds of cheering people at the hockey game, the lack of escape if I needed to bail. I was so freaked out just thinking about going to the game that there was no way I could actually go.

It was time for a change. I hated being limited by anxiety. I hated feeling fear about normal life situations. I was seeing a therapist at the time, a good one. Between what she taught me and what I learned on my own, I was able to nearly overcome social anxiety. I say nearly because I don't think I will ever be a social butterfly, at ease with groups of people. I can, however, shop at Wal-Mart any time of day, and spend more time conversing with my family than hiding from them. And-anyone want to take me out to a ball game? I'd love to go! By the way, I still hate Wal-Mart and long checkout lines- but I think most of us do!

The first thing I did to overcome social anxiety disorder was to work on my thought process. I would have a situation in front of me, and talk though the "worst that can happen". My therapist did this exercise with me, but you can do it with a trusted friend. An example of how this worked:

Me- I need to go to Wal-Mart and go Christmas shopping.

Sue (therapist)-So how do you feel about that?

Me- Anxious. Scared. I don't want to go, but I really need to.

Sue- What is the worst that can happen if you go?

Me- I could freak out.

Sue- What is "freaking out"?

Me- When I can't breathe, my heart beats really fast, I feel like I'm going to faint even though I know I won't, I just want to run out of there as fast as I can.

Sue- OK, so if you freak out, whats the worst that can happen?

Me- I would go crazy.

Sue- What would happen if you went crazy?

Me- Everyone would stare at me, I'd be shaking and screaming and an ambulance would cart me off to the loony bin.

Sue- How would you feel if that happened?

Me- Embarrassed, ashamed

Sue- So what is the worst that can happen then?

Me- I'd be locked up forever in the loony bin and never get out.

Sue- OK, take a breath. Now, how many times has a visit to Wal-Mart ended with you being carted off to the loony bin?

Me- Well, none. Yet.

Sue- So how likely is it that the worst will happen if you go Christmas shopping?

Me- Not very likely, I guess.

About halfway through the conversation my heart was beating faster, and the "fight or flight" adrenaline response was cursing through me. I would be reminded that anxiety is a reaction of these brain chemicals, and would dissipate within 20 minutes. She was right, it did. It was a very uncomfortable feeling, but I never got carted off to the loony bin and I never died. When we first started doing this exercise, I would argue and say of course it was possible that shopping at Wal-Mart would kill me (as that was my base fear, at first). It didn't take me long to realize that, although real, my fears would not come to pass. So I went Christmas shopping at Wal-Mart, felt uncomfortable, but survived intact, with my purchases. Doing this exercise has enabled me to then go to the next step, and start going out and exposing myself to situations I would usually avoid.

If you suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder, give this a try with either a therapist or a friend. Not mentioned in the above dialogue is the number of times throughout the exercise my therapist had me articulate how I was feeling- not just emotionally but what I was feeling in my body such as clammy palms, increased heart-rate, etc. That helped me become familiar with my anxiety symptoms, and realize that these feelings were just a product of the anxiety and would fade when the chemical response faded. Just knowing that made the anxiety less severe. You can lead a normal life, and conquer your anxiety. You may never enjoy shopping at Wal-Mart, but you can be able to tolerate it!