Overheard

Grandma: Yeah I haven't really noticed but now that he's sitting down you could see his stomach sticking out out like a jelly roll type pastry.

Dad: Yeah it's because he eats! He eats good!

Mina (my sister): Yeah he did get fat! He's so fat now! (laughs)

Dad: Are you sure he can't hear us?

Grandma: Why is he dressed like that?

Mina: He calls that his "costume." He wears that whenever he leaves the house.

Dad: (laughs) He never leaves the house!

Grandma: I think he left once by accident. (laughs)

Mina: (laughs)

Dad: (laughs) Mina are you sure he can't hear us?

Mina: Yeah he's wearing his headphones

Dad: I don't think they're plugged in.

Mina: Oops.

Dad: I think he's crying.

Mina: Shhh! (whispers) Pretend you're asleep!

Me: Jerks :[

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To be fair, the above is only about 40% true but still, not my proudest moment. The truth is this moment occurred about two months ago and I didn't want to publish it here until I dropped some weight, which I did. But this is all my tummy's fault. I'm not fat anywhere else. And no, it's not a beer belly because, well first of all, that's a myth. And secondly, I don't drink. There's no excuse. I was just fat. Key word: was. Other key word: fat :[

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More key terms:
Biscuits, chocolate chip muffins, apple crumb muffins, cool ranch Doritos, spicy barbecue waffle fries, several types of dark chocolate, white chocolate bunny, freshly baked brownies, bananas at the wrong time, soup, legumes, tacos, pizza, toffee, ice cream, toffee ice cream, strawberry waffles, and the list goes on.....

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I'm serious, it does:
Chocolate chip cookies, potato wedges, mashed potatoes, potatoes in general, penne marinara (with meat sauce), lasagna, tamales, gummi bears, gummy bears, rice...

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It was nice while it lasted. Goodbye. Forever.