Overrated Feats in Sports: Hockey Goals

Goalies have the third most important job in the majestic and honorable game of hockey. Right behind the Zamboni driver, and then the teams leading scorer, Goaltenders supposed to be an important asset to a hockey team. Too bad they can barley stand up straight, and usually end up flailing around like a giant Magikarp.

Next time you go to or watch a game on television, make special note to check out how the goalies conduct business. He always ends up on his rear end, looks silly even if he does prevent the puck from scoring. I'm rarely wowed by their effort. It's a lot more impressive to know that these guys aren't legally blind at the end of their careers. It's hard enough to see the puck on television, without that special Fox Sports camera that they used to use to highlight it for viewers.

Preventing a goal in Hockey is not so much skill, as it is a willingness to to look like a complete and utter tool. Goalies are kinda like the overly prepared guy at the beach. You know, the one who walks around looking like he's covered his nose and chest in Crisco, and wears floaters on his arms but goes no where near the water? Yeah, that's basically what the goalie is in Hockey.

They've got enough padding to make that big builder from Indiana Jones bounce off if it ever came rolling at them. a lot of these guys have either tribal, or pro wrestling-like markings on their masks. Not sure if Ultimate Warrior face paint designs scare Sidney Crosby, but if it makes you feel tough...The ridiculous story lines in World Wrestling Federation/Entertainment seem more legitimate than the amount of padding hockey goalies have to lug around all game.

With that said, I kinda respect the fact that they are willing to look like colorful turtles on slick surfaces for the sake of contributing to the team. that respect plummets, of course, whenever there's a goalie fight. Hey look, the two least mobile vessels in the frozen sea are about to compete in ye old shielded combat. Oh boy!

Remember that whole falling down a lot thing? Goalies go down faster than *add PG rated joke here, 'fore I can only think of NC-17 jokes.* If you love fighting in hockey, I don't get why you would ever want to see two goaltenders throw down(in pads, in a game). It's like going to a prize fight, knowing Don King is managing both boxers, and expecting anything more than bullocks.

Seriously, why would two guys, who are no where near each other during a game, have any sort of beef whatsoever? Must be another pro wrestling element at work. Whenever there is a goaltender throw down eminent, they should just lower a cage made of Popsicle sticks down to the middle of the ice. Why Popsicle sticks? I figure the steel cage might mess up the surface, and tick off the Zamboni driver.

That's not to say that there are no genuinely great goalies in the sport, but the average ones don't make it look like an ounce of hand eye coordination is involved. I guess you do need some of that stuff to fall properly, without hurting yourself. Much like a professional wrestler...I wonder if anybody has ever asked for a Championship Belt instead of Lord Stanley's Cup?