Pain in Finding Happiness: Blinded by Love, Bonded Through Fear

The red flags were there all along, Christy recognized them from her first marriage. Although not perfect Frank wasn't the type of guy who would ever hit her, to Christy that was perfect enough. She could live with his not working, Christy was sure that was temporary. His desire to drown himself in alcohol was a hardship on their relationship; tolerable only because he never hit her even in his most drunken state. She made excuses for his being angry and mean while drinking. Though he did it nearly every night he was always sorry the next morning, Christy believed him when he said it.

He wasn't a romantic or intimate person but Christy had learned that no one could have it all; she had to pick her battles. The lack of physical abuse made Christy feel safe, Frank had become her Superman. Fearful that he would leave one day and never come back, Christy made it her goal to make him so happy he wouldn't be able to exist without her. Codependency was fine with Christy as long as it meant she could be secure in her relationship. Her fear of being loved dissipated, and returned the fear of being alone in its wake.

Christy consumed herself in Frank, from breakfast in bed each morning to giving into his every want. She would have traded her soul to make him happy, to finally live her dream. It didn't matter how many times he went on a drunken rant about how Christy had ruined his life, she just cried and forgave.

Christy bartered her happiness for his, even sealed the deal accepting his marriage proposal. As long as she continued to make their home life appear perfect to friends and family she thought she could endure anything. How home felt was irrelevant to her, it was good enough just to be somewhat secure. Her children would have a father figure no matter how absent and to the outside world they were complete.

Christy loved Frank with all of her heart; though it was a blind and irrational love that was often painful. They had been intimate only on a few random occasions in the past 8 months, which left the already broken girl sorting through new fears. She had never been rejected and inadequacy was a feeling she had little experience with. These two feelings had now put her security in jeopardy, she was sure that marriage would fix their problems.

There were no changes in the next 6 months either. Christy had buried her problems in wedding plans. She could escape reality a little at a time whenever she was planning her fairy tale; she planned day in and day out. The stress of the wedding became the next excuse for Frank's lack of desire; he had again managed to get Christy to lower her defenses for the sake of love.

Christy walked into her second marriage blinded and confused. Blinded by what she thought was the closest she would ever be allowed to happiness; confused about the meaning of her entire life from that day forward.

Turns out Christy did trade her soul for Frank's happiness, a trade made in vane though. Christy was left with no soul and an unhappy, very distant husband. After only 5 months of marriage she is trapped by her morals in a cold, loveless home. Each night she sleeps with her back to the man she married; the man who wants nothing to do with her on any level.

If you are just joining us in this mini series please go back and read Christy's saga from the beginning.
PART ONE: OVERCOMING FEARS

PART TWO: THE SAGA CONTINUES

PART THREE: HIS NAME WAS FRANK