Pain in Finding Happiness: Just to Hear His Voice

Frank had said he would kill Christy; he had grabbed her by the waist and poked her in the chest. He had said things he could never take back about her, her father, and children but still Christy wanted to save him from himself. She kept telling him to leave, that someone would probably have called to police but he refused.

Christy had even tried going online to alert the police that she needed help, which didn't work either, but through it all she still didn't want to send him to jail. The things that Frank said to Christy were unspeakable, his actions were absurd and at the root of it all was the fact that Christy loved this man who was terrorizing her. Her love for Frank was so deep that in the end she would try to protect him, try to make excuses for him, and slowly die inside as she became the victim yet again.

As it turned out someone had heard the screaming and called the police. By the time they showed up Frank had left the home and was outside and Christy was trying to remind herself that he didn't want her to come after him. Six police officers came to the door with their guns drawn; ready for whatever they had to deal with, they found a broken hearted woman and 2 scared kids inside the home that night.

Christy truly played the victim role as she lied to the police trying to take some of the details out of what happened to save Frank. If she could lie about the abuse she received at the hands of her first husband she could do it again. It had been her pattern to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders and she had no idea how to break that cycle.

Frank did go to jail that night, and as usual Christy blamed everything on her own imperfections. She couldn't understand how loving this man as much as she did had made his life so miserable that he would throw it all away for his toxic yet stable friend alcohol. Frank had told Christy that he hated her, that he never loved her and that she was at fault for everything, what's worse is the fact that Christy believed him.

Physically, Christy would be fine; she only suffered one small bruise on her waist and a sore spot on her chest. Christy's mental state was a whole different story though; she had been destroyed by her Superman, the man that she loved no matter what he did.

Christy was full of mixed emotions and couldn't grasp a single rational thought. She was proud of herself for standing up for her rights, yet ashamed that in the end she had lost so much. The District Attorney dropped all charges on Frank and the only bit of security Christy had was a restraining order.

The very thing that was providing Christy with that bit of security was also sealing the deal silently with Frank. Christy couldn't even talk to him, couldn't say goodbye, and felt no sense of closure. Frank wouldn't break the order at all, Christy had begged for him to just call and say goodbye but he refused. While she understood in one way she also felt that his denial of a proper goodbye was a cop out. Christy knew she had no intention of seeing Frank in jail and would not report to anyone if he called but he didn't believe her. Frank's lack of trust that she wished him no harm made Christy feel even more alone, how could he not believe her?

Even after all the pain Frank had put Christy through she still loved the man, wanted nothing more than his happiness and would have let him go long ago if only she had known that he didn't love her. Christy was distraught without Frank, her life would go on but she didn't want it to; not like this.

The only reality in all of this is that Frank was her everything, Christy loved him regardless of what happened. It wasn't really Frank that did those things. Christy would trade the world to have him back; she would wait as long and love as much as he needed her to in order to just have him back. Christy loved Frank even more than she loved herself and there was no denying that. She would have changed anything for her husband, gone down any road he needed her to. In the back of her mind Christy knew that all she wanted in life was Frank, she loved his imperfections and she was far from perfect. Christy was damaged, not by Frank but by her past. Franks actions and reactions that night would have been nothing if it hadn't been for Christy's past.

Knowing that she would give up anything to have Frank back made Christy hurt worse. She was certain that Frank did not want her back; he wouldn't want to make it work because she had made his life hell somehow. Christy would wait as long as it took if Frank only asked her to, but he wasn't going to ask. All she had left was the hope that she could say goodbye, that she could remember him as the man she loved. Christy only wanted to remember waking up looking into his eyes and feeling complete, feeling loved. She wanted to fall asleep and wake up in his arms again someday.

If you are just joining us in this mini series please go back and read Christy's saga from the beginning.
PART ONE: OVERCOMING FEARS