Pain in Finding Happiness: Overcoming Your Greatest Fears

She sits on the couch less than five feet from her husband who is thousands of miles away. Seventeen years wrapped up in two separate but equally painful marriages have made Christy cold to the thought of ever being loved. Settling is how she has gotten through nearly half of her life without facing one of her greatest fears; the fear of being alone.

At 15 years old Christy ran off with the first man who promised to keep her safe, to always be there. For the sake of comfortability she became a wife and mother before she could vote. It didn't matter how bad her marriage was, how many times her husband struck her, or how unhappy she was; at least she was not alone.

When the pain and sadness finally consumed Christy's every breath she realized that being alone may not be so bad. After nearly 15 years of abuse she had gained the tools and courage necessary to get out. Christy was overwhelmed with fear as she embarked on her new personal journey. Her husband had essentially finished raising her and that was the only life she knew.

The empowerment the divorce gave her was immense and everyone who knew Christy could site the obvious; she was finally learning the meaning of happiness. Learning self love would prove to be the most difficult task Christy had ever faced.

In the absence of security and self worth Christy found peace in being intoxicated. At the bar she didn't have to hide behind fears or life, she could just be. After a few shots she could step away from her overly cautious, very shy self and into a world where she had confidence.

As an emotionally challenged single mother Christy found that the only time she felt in control of her surroundings was when she was in an altered state of mind. As a beautiful young woman there was no shortage of men who would validate her with empty promises and meaningless sentiments. At that point in her life she wouldn't have recognized a good man even if he offered her the world. Her attractions seemed to always gravitate towards the bad boys, the type that she had known since childhood.

Cycling through these bad relationships and chasing love away at every opportunity was what Christy needed to feel some sense of being in control. She was fine with dating, on her own terms anyways. The moment any sense of love entered the picture Christy would bolt, being loved had replaced being alone as her greatest fear.

...To Be Continued...