Pam Babcock and Her Toilet Seat

What would you do if your significant other locked herself in the bathroom and stayed there - for two years? When 35-year old Pam Babcock eventually would not come out of the bathroom, her boyfriend, Kory McFarren brought her food and water and asked her to come out of the bathroom. Two years later, McFarren finally called in the authorities. When he did, however, her skin had grown around the toilet seat and the seat had to be removed with a crowbar in order to obtain medical attention for the woman, according to the Ledger.

Why did this woman remain for so long in the bathroom - a place where most get in and then get out? According to McFarren, it was to allow her a safe haven - Babcock had been abused as a child. As a survivor of domestic violence myself, I can understand the need for a safe haven, however, what I cannot understand is how this case became blown out of proportion.

Survivors of abuse can experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - a mental illness where much anxiety is created after an event eliciting extreme fear or anxiety in the patient. As someone who is a survivor of abuse, different situations can unexpectedly recreate feelings of fear or anxiety that I had experienced during the time of abuse. These situations, then, elicit odd and eccentric responses to otherwise normal or non-threatening events (for example, at one point in my life, touching my cheek caused me to flinch).

Also, everyday arguments can create a flight or fight response in a survivor of abuse. Instead of seeing that person who is generally loving and compassionate, a survivor may go back into "combat zone" during times when voices become slightly raised (or even if voices are never raised, when an argument is occurring.) This is not something that goes away on its own. Instead, it requires therapy, soul-searching, and a deep trust of others - all things that require time.
It is possible that an event triggered Babcock's memories of the horrendous events - perhaps something as small as disagreeing over what television program to watch - and she felt the need to recreate an environment that felt safe for her. I know in the time while I was recovering from the trauma abuse had caused within me, creating safe environments sometimes assisted in alleviating the anxiety. While I never locked myself in a bathroom, I did enjoy creating little nooks in my living space where I felt safe to journal - even though I lived alone at the time.

Whatever the trigger of Babcock's sequestering of herself in her bathroom - eventually leading to her becoming stuck to the toilet seat, it's important to remember that survivors of abuse are very tender - for a while and that we need to go through therapy to help us deal with it. One of the hardest things for an abuse survivor to realize is that it isn't their fault. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with the person who is abused - the fault, rather, lies in the abuser. Until this is realized, abuse is a difficult thing to overcome. There must have been something about that toilet seat that allowed Babcock to feel safe. I wish Babcock the best of luck in her recovery.