Parallel Awareness: Strange and Unsettled Feelings

Have you ever had the feeling you should be somewhere else? Does it feel like you have somehow gone off track and are living a life that isn't yours? I get that feeling sometimes. I can't explain any better than to say it is a sick to your stomach feeling that comes on all of a sudden out of nowhere. It robs any joy that I may be feeling at the moment it hits. It's scary and unsettling and I want it to leave me quickly.

The other day my husband and I were doing some routine yard work. We were planting some tomato plants and green peppers. I love doing this with him. We love each other's company and do everything together. I wouldn't trade him for anything. I know the feelings I get don't have anything to do with not wanting to be with him. I need you to know that.

Anyway, all of a sudden this feeling comes over me; it feels a bit like deja vu. You know how that makes you feel unsettled? I sat down at the picnic table and felt it wash over me, engulfing me. I felt sick to my stomach and instantly sad and confused. Something is telling me that I'm in the wrong place, doing the wrong things. This isn't where I'm supposed to be. I'm scared because I don't know what it means. Where did I take a wrong turn to end up here? I don't know how to fix it. I sit there in inner turmoil trying to embrace it so maybe this time I can figure it out. I never can figure it out and before too long, the feeling dissipates and I'm just me again. I'm thankful when it's over.

I've thought a lot about what this means. I once watch a movie, a comedy really, about a guy who is reincarnated. When he comes back he meets his daughter and begins to have flashbacks of who he used to be. I actually question if this is what happens to me. The religion I was taught doesn't allow room for reincarnation, but who am I to rule it out. Even as I write this I think this sounds crazy, but I can't explain the experience. When it is happening it seems there is a veil over my sight. If I could brush through the veil I could see my real life, the life I am supposed to be living. I feel an urgency to find it and stop wasting valuable time in this life.

Fortunately, this doesn't happen that often but when it does it wipes me out. It drains me of any contentment I had. I don't know what to think of it. I would really love some input as to whether anyone else ever feels this way or if anyone has any insight into why this happens to me.