Parent Abuse: The Silent Crime

Parent Abuse is a silent problem, one that originates because people don t often associate abuse as being by children towards their parents. Parent Abuse is defined as "any act of a child that is intended to cause physical, psychological or financial damage to gain power and control over a parent". These acts include assault with or without a weapon, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, and stealing.

This article points to the most common type of parental abuse that goes unpunished, but yet can be the most lethal. That is verbal and emotional abuse of adult children towards their parents. This is a problem that is often ignored or dismissed. Words hurt and leave scars, and when a mothers child causes emotional damage, the mother often makes no complaint.

There are many writings, articles, and readings on the subject of abuse by a minor towards their parents. The majority of that abuse is physical and violent. But just as between spouses, verbal and emotional abuse is very common and very deadly. The protection of women against abusive husbands and boyfriends have gained ground and support through the years, but what has been said, and what protections have been given for mothers that are abused by their adult children? Not physically, but emotionally and verbally.

Parent abuse can occur in any family and is not associated with socio-economic class, ethnic background, or sexual orientation. Although fathers are also susceptible, mothers are the most frequent victims of parent abuse. One of the reasons is that women are the primary caregivers. They spend more time with their children than fathers and have closer emotional connections to them.

Most parents have difficulty accepting that their adult son or daughter is abusive and may deny that there is a problem. They often feel depressed, anxious, and ashamed that they "didn't do the right thing". Their despair interferes with their ability to regain leadership in their families. In addition, some parents feel it is not safe for them to attempt to control the situation it would only enrage their child more.

When parents use "gentle" attempts, such as reasoning, to encourage their aggressive child to stop the abuse, they are often ignored or treated with contempt. However, the child reacts even more aggressively if parents use force, and a circle of mutual retaliation evolves.

Adults should recognize when they are abusive towards their parents and seek support to change that behavior. They should seek counseling with, or without, the parent they've been abusive to. Just as in any other abusive situation, the victim and the abuser need counseling.

Regaining control begins with naming the problem and then taking the necessary steps, which usually involve talking to someone and accessing counseling, and sometimes distancing yourself from your child. It is normal for the parent to experience a variety of emotions. Relief, or anger and depression, or even a sense of failure and loss.

It is important that the parents build their sense of self-worth and strengthen their ability to cope with the situation. The adult child needs to take the time to question their own self-worth and pinpoint the realities of their anger.

In conclusion, we as adults need to identify the problem. We're no longer children, but we still have parents and we are their children. Yelling is a normal recourse in arguing, but yelling can turn into an abusive state. As we grow from childhood to adulthood, we change our views and perspectives of the world and of people. We change the way we interact with them. But our parents are still our parents, and despite minor changes, we are still their children. This is what makes parent abuse by adult children a difficult issue.