Parent Your Child or Children: Tips for Effective Parenting

It is always amazing to me to encounter so many people, who do not have children, who think they know how to parent. It is common to hear someone, who does not have children say," You would never see my child act that way." It is always humorous to me to hear them say, later - when they do have children - "Before I had children, I thought no child of mine would ever act that way and now look at them." Parenting is not easy and until you try it, you really can't understand how complex and sometimes overwhelming it can be.

What is Good Parenting?

So, what is a good parent, you ask? This is a big question and one that cannot be answered in a short, simple sentence. Being a good parent encompasses many different kinds of feelings and behaviors on the part of the parent. No one is born with the knowledge and skills to be a good parent and most of the time, we become parents without having any formal education in parenting. Many times our only education in parenting comes from our own experience of being a child with parents. We parent like we were parented.

Suffice it to say, good parenting doesn't just happen. Good parenting comes about when parents want to be good or improve. Good parents reflect on their parenting and try to make changes when something they tried worked or didn't work. Good parents sometimes even take formal courses in parenting and when all of this isn't working, they seek support from trained parent counselors.

Marianne Neifert, "Dr. Mom", is a Pediatrician and the author of several books related to parenting. She developed a list of seven behaviors that help make a good parent. A summary of these follows.

Good Parents Do these Things

1 Ensure you provide your child or children with unconditional love . Be sure your child knows you love them. You need to do this in more ways than just saying "I love you." You must spend time with your children, play with them and encourage them.

2. Prioritize your children as much as you do your marriage, relationship or career. Make sure you place your children before others and do the hard things for them. Don't take the easy way out. Sometimes saying "no" is the right thing to say. Saying "yes", when you should say "no", puts your child or children lower on your priority list.

3. Be a strong team player with your spouse or partner- be a team. Work with your spouse or partner to decide on family rules and talk through family issues.

4. Discipline your children consistently. This is way easier to say than do. When you get worn down after a long day, it is easier sometimes to give into whining and crying. Make this statement your motto - be strong, be consistent and work together to discipline children even when you are tired.

5. Teach and model responsibility by being responsible in your parenting role and give your children opportunities to be responsible.

6. Build a cohesive sense of family togetherness by having daily routines and activities. Family traditions are a big part of teaching children they are a part of a culturally rich family system. Building rituals into your family's life is giving your child or children a gift that will be long remembered and repeated in their own families once they leave your nest.

7. Build time into your life to recharge and re-energize. This may not seem possible at some points in your life, but you must do it if you want to be the best parent you can. No human being can run well for very long when they are sleep deprived, do not get out and mingle with other adults and do not regularly take care of their personal needs. Your children will survive without you while you recharge; especially if you have established within them a sense of their own self-worth and personal value.

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