Parent Support for Patient Parenting

When asked about improvements they would like to make, parents most often say they would like to be more patient with their children. Sounds pretty easy, right? Be more patient with your own child(ren) - the one(s) you love most of just about anyone else in the world.

Unfortunately, it isn't always as easy as it sounds. No parent likes to feel like a screaming shrew, but on some days it seems even the smallest things can push you over the edge.

Being patient is tricky for many people - parents are not the exception. We feel impatient when we have to wait at the drive thru or check out lane, we feel impatient when we are left holding or stuck in traffic; we are always moving - at least in our minds - on to the next thing.

Much of being patient is about being present. In the car that might look like choosing to enjoy your favorite song or book on tape instead of cursing, screaming and weaving in and out of traffic. With your daughter or son it might look like, "you seem a little tired" or, it is a beautiful day for a stroll instead of, "why don't you hurry up" or, why are you always so slow."

It can help to remember the following: Your attitude shapes your experience. The check-out line will not move any more quickly just because steam is flying out of your ears; nor will your exasperation transform your child's misbehavior. Try to avoid developing negative explanations for the things that are happening. (For example - avoid telling yourself that the person in front of you is moving slowly to deliberately upset you or that your children are misbehaving because they hate you or don't respect you). Instead, develop an alternative, positive explanation that helps you stay calm and patient. You cannot control what is happening, but you can control how you respond and what you tell yourself about what is happening.

Other tips for being patient with kids

It is difficult to be patient with your children if you can't be patient with yourself. Constantly driving yourself to do more, refusing to honor, or even set, personal boundaries and putting yourself always last is not healthy. Decide to have a healthier relationship with yourself by exercising patience around your needs and limitations. When you take good care of yourself you feel better and it is easier to be patient with your children.

You can also strengthen your patience muscle by maintaining a realistic perspective. For example:

Generalizations such as you always... or you never... weaken patience because they are discouraging. You will be more patient when you remind yourself that your child does get it right sometimes.

Another patience zapper is unrealistic expectations. Some behaviors are to be expected depending on your child's age, stage and temperament. Understand, too that behavior has a purpose and (usually) it isn't personal.

A final tip -

Don't let yourself be browbeaten by that voice in your head (I'm such a bad parent, I can't control my kids) or by parent peer pressure (s/he is a much better parent). Again, be patient with yourself. Stressing out, unfavorably comparing yourself to other parents and negative self-talk will not build patience; in fact, these behaviors will only discourage you and make you feel more impatient.