Parental Alienation Syndrome

Because of the increasing numbers of divorced families, health and the legal professionals need to become more educated about Parental Alienation.
PAS is a recognized form of child abuse bought about by one parent in a divorced family whose deliberate aim is to alienate the other parent from his or her children. Educating law enforcement officials, educators and health workers is key to early identification and reunification of these torn families.
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is child abuse; therefore, more effort is needed to raise awareness of its existence. Experts widely agree that this once misunderstood situation does indeed deserve a label of its own. In the words of a licensed Psychologist, "Understanding forms of child abuse is a community responsibility". The future health of our society depends upon the emotional and mental health of our children. We cannot bring back the 2-year-old girl who died but we can look around us and say no to abuse when we see it. Our future depends on it, and our community¹s children depend on us." (Andre, Dr. Katherine) ( n.d.) PAS all begins with the separation of a couple, one of whom has insecurities sufficient enough that they become irrational thoughts of losing their child's love to the other parent. This feeling of loss of control consumes the alienating parent to the point where they will manipulate their child's beliefs about about the other parent in a negative way, until the child no longer

Parental Alienation Syndrome: The Early Signs

Typically, the early warning signs of PAS can include; children acting out without just cause when in the presence of the targeted parent, becoming upset and asking to skip weekend visits with the parent and refusing to engage in telephone conversations between visits. All these behavioral changes can leave the alienated parent quite confused, although many will simply conclude that it is a common trait for child to act out after a divorce, and not be suspicious of any underlying malicious intent on the part of the former spouse. It is crucial that parents understand the early warning signs of PAS, and not mistake them for mere acts of attention seeking by the child. One of a handful of fast growing organizations whose aim it is to raise such awareness of PAS, is one simply known as Parental Alienation Awareness Organization (PAAO) Their clear and direct definition of PAS is: "Parental alienation involves the mental manipulation and/or bullying of children, which can result in destroying a loving and warm relationship they once shared with a parent." (n.d.) Parental Alienation can cause a child serious long-term instability. Sadly, children who are subjected to this type of alienation are often led to believe that the alienated parent has physically or sexually abused either the child, at an age where he or she, may be too young to remember, or be told that their custodial parent had suffered the abuse. Unfortunately, due to lack of awareness of this syndrome, a parent may be in process of becoming alienated from their child by a former spouse, and not even be aware that this abuse is taking place. Only when education of PAS is available in all communities will these parents and children stand a chance to identify it and be reunited with the appropriate therapy, love and understanding they all need to overcome long-term residual problems.

Case Study

When PAS is n process, the behavior of the child or children may or may not change suddenly or dramatically. In the case of John who has two children, the alienation was a gradually occurring process over a period of approximately 5 years. First, the phone calls would stop coming from his bubbly little girl and quiet but cuddly 4 year-old son. The two always struggled with the phone and who would speak to Daddy first. As time wore on, scheduled visits were interrupted by birthday parties for friends, who it was later discovered, did not exist. Night terrors and bed wetting followed on subsequent visits, sudden unexplained illnesses which required excessive emergency room visits, usually within a day of visitation, and finally, public tantrums at the point of exchange for the weekend visitation. At one point, this public behavior became so peculiar that an innocent onlooker called the Police for fear the children may be involved in a domestic dispute. Throughout this process, the aggressive parent acted in a friendly an open manner to the targeted parent, John, and expressed her dismay at the odd behavior the children were exhibiting. Little did John know, this was a successfully orchestrated scenario devised by his ex wife, in an attempt to alienate both of their children from his life. Over time, it all became much worse; to the point where accusations of emotional and physical abuse were made. The alienating parent falsely informed the children's school that the children were abused by the John and his new wife, and that both children were undergoing psychological treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as result of this abuse. John's much loved children are now 14 and 16 years of age, and although one child again has a loving relationship with John, his once happy and playful daughter refuses to acknowledge him as her parent, and has not visited with him in more than 3 years.

Hostile Aggressive Parenting

As well as PAS, another form of manipulative behavior is that know as Hostile Aggressive Parenting (HAP). A detailed excerpt from "What is HAP? (n.d.) defines HAP as: "A general pattern of behavior, manipulation, actions or decision-making of a person (usually a parent or guardian) that either directly or indirectly; 1) creates undue difficulties or interferences in the relationship of a child with another person (usually a parent or guardian) involved with the parenting and/or rearing of the child and/or, 2) promotes or maintains an unwarranted unfairness or inequality in the parenting arrangements between a child's parents and/or guardians and/or, 3) promotes ongoing and unnecessary conflict between parents and/or guardians which adversely affects the parenting, well-being and rearing of a child." In light of the aforementioned points, the child's relationship with the aggressive parent is cause for some confusion at first glance. However, depending on the age of the child, there are many forms of bribery, such as a substantial increase in allowance, or even punishment if the child shows affection to the targeted parent. While this may not be a threat upfront, the resulting treatment soon has the child associating the targeted parent, with conflict in his or her home with the hostile parent. As the child grows older, he or she may recognize the behavior of the hostile parent for what it is; or, the fear of being rejected by that parent may deepen depending on the level of aggression and manipulative techniques used. Since a child's worst fear is abandonment, and despite suffering terrible treatment, most children will continue to hold a deep loyalty to the aggressive parent, regardless of the resentful attitude toward them, and their absent parent.

The Targeted Parent's Dilemma

If he or she has been victimized by an ex spouse, and the relationship with the child has become strained, it is time to seek help. Contacting a Therapist is advisable. Many Therapists, although not all, are trained to deal with this type of conflict. The first step toward rebuilding a happy life which includes the child is to inform a qualified person of any suspicious behaviors, and allow them to formulate a series of therapy sessions with the child and both parents. If this is not possible due to the former spouse rejecting the idea, a court ruling to do so with the therapist's recommendation may be necessary. In severe cases, the child may be removed temporarily from the custodial spouse's care and the alienated parent may be awarded custody until a suitable resolution can be achieved. Once an intervention becomes necessary, it is important to speak with the child's teachers to inform them of the situation and what progress has been made. This is a step toward understanding on the part of those who spend considerable time with the children and who may or may not have already observed aggressive behavior from the child. Such observations have been known to lead to a misdiagnosis of ADD, ADHD or other similar behavioral issues, so communication with all parties concerned is vital.

Acknowledging one's own attitude toward an ex spouse, can be a healthy deliverance from what is now seen as a form of mental and emotional abuse. Recognizing unresolved issues with a former partner is the first step to at least retaining, or rebuilding an amicable relationship. Of course, it is most admirable to admit the need for psychological help, and to take proactive steps to obtaining it, but let it be known at this point, that therapy is now the next vital step to ending hostilities which can ultimately impede a child's wellbeing. Any hostilities left without resolution can easily lead to a severe case of Parental Alienation; and remembering divorce is never a child's decision, addressing these problems is a distinct priority. All children have a right to 2 loving parents who are actively involved with all aspects of the children's lives. Neither party is entitled to exclude the other and any feelings to the contrary demand immediate professional evaluation.

Being aware of PAS, and clearly understanding the long-term implications will go far in helping society to maintain an environment in which to raise happy and loving families who are able to contribute to their communities in a positive manner.

Andre, Dr. Katherine (n.d.) Identifying child abuse. Retrieved July 16, 2008, from
http://www.questx.com/pas/idabuseart.html

Hostile Aggressive Parenting. (n.d.) Retrieved July 20, 2008, from
http://www.hostile-aggressive-parenting.com/what_is_Hostile_Aggressive_Parenting.asp
PAAO. (n.d.) What is Parental Alienation? Retrieved July 16, 2008, from
http://www.paawareness.org/what-is-pa.asp