Parental Reactions that Escalate Tantrums in Children

Tantrums are many parents' worst nightmares as they are nerve wracking and have the potential to last hours. Talking to and restraining children during tantrums only seem to make them worse. So, parents are often left at their wit's end feeling as though they could pull their hair out, jump off of a cliff or lock themselves into a closet until the tantrum subsides. Although tantrums are very hard to deal with they can be easily diminished on the onset.

Parents must recognize that children are trying to communicate through tantrums and are not really acting out. Tantrums are the last resort for frustrated children to get mommy's or daddy's attention. The key to diminishing tantrums on the onset is in the reaction of the parents. Reacting the wrong way to tantrums may actually escalate them. Below are some examples of the wrong way to react to tantrums.

1. Mimicking the child's tantrum is a sure way to further escalate the tantrum. When parents mimic a child's cries they are actually taunting them. Could you imagine needing something eagerly and having someone taunt you because you were unable to express your needs clearly? The feeling of being taunted is an aggravating and humiliating one. Instead of mimicking your child's cries take a deep breath and then talk calmly to him/her to try and figure out what is wrong with your child.

2. Locking children in a room during a tantrum can escalate the tantrum. Time outs should be used as a last resort and they are not as effective as time ins; which is when the parents get down to eye level and calmly talk to their children. If you do need to use time outs you should never lock the door as this will make the child feel isolated and abandoned. During tantrums children need love. They need to be close to their caregiver. If you lock a child in the room he will most likely bang and kick on the door and then realizing that he is not able to get out will resort to tearing down the room. Instead of placing your children in a room try getting down to their level and extending out your arms to them. Try to hold them and find out what is wrong. The child might not want to be held but you should still offer your comfort as a choice.

3. Hitting children to stop the tantrum is one of the worst ways to attempt to end the tantrum. Hitting is a form of abuse and does nothing but slowly alienate the child from the parent. Just think about it, your child is crying because he needs something and he needs your help and you respond to his needs by hitting him. Hitting a child not only causes physical pain but emotional pain as well because children will feel that if they try to express their feelings to mommy or daddy that they will get hit. The children will then start to hold their feelings in and become destructive as they will not know how to communicate their needs. Parents should teach their children to use their words so that they can receive help when they need it.

4. Violently or quickly grabbing a child will also escalate a tantrum. Although not as direct as hitting, violently grabbing a child is also a form of abuse. This will make a child feel scared and even more frustrated. It could be easy for parents to become frustrated during tantrums as all the screaming and shouting takes a toll on the nerves but parents must try their best to refrain from grabbing or yanking a child.

5. Yelling at children during a tantrum creates a form of power struggle. If you yell the child will just cry louder and harder to counter your screaming. The child will feel you becoming tense and so will respond accordingly. It is very important for parents to remain calm during tantrums.