Parenting 101: Tips for Responding Appropriately to Your Kids

When your kid comes to you with a problem, how do you respond to them? Is it typical for you to react immediately to the first thing that comes into your head? Is your reaction harsh and filled with anger or rage? As parents, we cannot afford to lash out at our kids, reacting without taking a moment to stop, consider, and respond in a measured and controlled manner. Your kids need to trust that you will respond appropriately when they make a mistake, or need some advice.

Trust is one of the most important factors in a good, solid relationship. When two people trust one another, there is open and honest communication. Does your child know that they can be totally honest with you? Can they tell you anything and expect a non-judgmental response? Or will they keep things from you because they fear your reaction? Your kids need to know they can trust you and that you do all you can to provide a place where it is safe for them to share anything. Here are some helpful tips.

Carefully Consider All Information and Options

While it is probably easier just to lash out and react harshly to a child's unacceptable behavior, it's certainly not the best response. As a parent and adult, it falls to you to make sure this possibly confrontational situation is handled properly. Blowing up at the first hint of hearing of a child's mistake or bad behavior is just not appropriate behavior. Maybe your parents exploded when you made a mistake as a kid, but that is no reason to continue responding inappropriately. You're an adult, act like an adult.

An appropriate response is an adult response. Adults listen, take in all the information, carefully consider and weigh all options available, take as much time as needed to cool down and get control of emotions, and finally plan a measured and controlled response. If you're a parent with a short fuse and you typically react harshly, this type of controlled response is going to be hard to learn. But learn it you must. After you try it a few times it will become easier, and eventually it will become second=nature for you to maintain control and respond calmly, appropriately.

What Has Happened in the Past?

OK, so now you have a handle on your emotions, and you're starting down the road toward being a calm, controlled responder. Now let's look at some ways to help you handle the actual situation which your child has brought before you. First, take a look at all the possible reasons your child behaved the way they did. Be sure to listen carefully, especially to what they are not saying.

Next, you'll want to gently and lovingly remind your child of how they might differently handle the situation and circumstances leading up to the problem Remember that nobody, even your kids, like to be reminded of past mistakes. Make sure you use them as a tool for learning rather than an I-told-you-so unpleasant reminder. Teach them to use past experiences to evaluate the current outcome, and to change future behaviors if they want a different and better outcome. If a child has drug use problems, remind them what happened last time, and the decisions they made to get there. The key id to help them to make their own right decisions and to see that there are consequences for certain behavior.

Your Example is the Best Example

Think of your child as a video camera that is recording everything you say and do. If you react harshly, guess what? Your kids will give a double portion right back to you. Not only that, they will treat their siblings, friends, and even other adults in the same way. One day, they will treat your grandkids the same way you teach them now - by your example. So, are you an example of a harsh, judgmental tyrant who bases now they react on their current emotional state? Or, are you a calm, controlled person who lovingly, carefully considers all the factors of a situation before responding?

If you're reacting harshly, it's very important that you don't try to justify your bad behavior as a parent. So, you had a harsh parent, or a tough up-bringing. That is no reason to continue that dysfunctional behavior and train your child to be the same way. You are a parent and parents have responsibilities. Your responsibility to your child is to love them, no matter what. If you need to make a change in the way you handle your kids, do whatever it takes to start that change today. As a parent, your children are looking to you for advice, answers, help, and love. What will you do to be a better parent starting today?

Sources:

YourFreeParentingTips.com; "Separate Useful Parenting Advice from the Not-So-Useful"

MentalHelp.net; "Parenting Style and Its Correlates"

NICHD.NIH.com; "RPM3: How responding, preventing, monitoring, mentoring, and modeling can help you be a successful parent"