Parenting: Advice for when You Decide to Be a Stay-At-Home Mom for Your Teens

I have two children. I decided to make "Mother" my main job title. This decision was widely accepted by most while my children were small. Of course there were those that asked me when I was going to go back to work as if being a mother was not work! After all, if the housewife were to get a paycheck for being a chef, maintaining laundering services, childcare, cleaning service, taxi, and therapist...and I know this list can get longer; the housewife/stay-at-home mom would be one wealthy woman. Sometimes the decision to raise your own children instead of hiring babysitters, nannies, or a daycare to raise them can be a thankless job and leave you feeling as though others have little respect for the importance of what you do. This can include your spouse. For example, back when I brought in a few extra dollars working part-time, my husband complained that we did not have enough money. So I began working full-time. In the short time I did this, he complained that I wasn't home enough and that he wasn't getting enough attention. Being that this was a lose-lose situation, I made the decision to do what was important to me. I went back to part-time, and my children and I were happier. We still are.

Now they are 12 and 14. In our society today, the importance of being an available parent for our teens is often overlooked. The big house, new SUV, PlayStation 3, and money has taken the place of simple love in our families. Some have the idea that once children reach adolescence, they are capable of caring for themselves. This idea is inaccurate. A teenager still needs his parents' attention and time. They need supervision and routine; discipline and boundaries. As a mother who makes raising her family her life's work, the teenage years are not the time to quit.

Once we become adults, sometimes we forget what it was like to be a teen. The teenage years are years when major changes take place. Your teen is not a child, but your teen is also not yet an adult. Teenagers want to join the adult world, yet at other times they'd rather never grow up. They want the freedom to go out, have fun, and be a kid, and at the same time, they want to be taken seriously. They worry about what they wear and how they look. They start to worry about their future; if there will be money for college or where they will get a job.

The teen body is changing rapidly. These changes affect them mentally, physically, and emotionally. Many teens get self-conscious about their changing bodies. Many times your teen will feel all alone and that no one is like them. They may become easily influenced by their peers. The teen years can be very trying while working through your child's ever-changing moods.

As our teens change, so should we in our role as a parent. We need to be available to give them guidance in matters concerning their decisions with drugs, sex, eating habits, grades, and friends. It's healthy for them to become more and more independent. It's our job to give them the direction and love that they need to make responsible choices. They count on us to not let them down, and that means we need to be there when they need us. When children are left to run amuck, trouble for your child will follow.

Our job as parents does not end when our children turn 13. This job is in effect well into our children's adulthood. They need continued love, security, guidance, and supervision. This is a critical age. It is not long before your teen will go into adulthood when they will have to become responsible and independent. The right guidance is needed to make them capable of handling the pressures of the adult world. This takes time and perseverance. We can't coddle them forever. I know a parent who has a pre-teen and a teen at home. He still orders their sandwiches when they are out, still portions out their plates at home, and gives them little responsibility in doing chores around the house. This has left the children with anxiety when out at a restaurant. They clam up and have a hard time simply ordering their sandwiches. At home, the teen was afraid to take a spoon and dish up his food, because he worried he might spill some over the side of the pan. Upon being told to do the dishes, he was frustrated with the drain plug, unsure of his ability in keeping the water from going out of the sink. This is extreme. The pre-teen is demanding and wants service at her beck and call. This man has failed in teaching his children just a few of the necessary skills they need before reaching adulthood. My hope is that they will have sufficient time with their mother who is more capable of teaching them these skills. Children tend to pick the path of less resistance, even when it is unhealthy for them.

Your decision to be a stay-at-home mom is a good one. Stay vigilant in raising your children throughout their teen years. Parenting is the most important job you will ever have.