Parenting as a Character Revealer: Before We Had Children...

"Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful." ~Jacqueline Bisset

Have you ever had a childless single friend brag about their own ability for extreme patience? How about a well-intentioned relative who claims to have all the secrets up her sleeve about the mass- organization of a kid-filled household - only failing to mention that she never became a parent herself? Let's not forget the highly acclaimed child psychologists who write countless books regarding discipline and child-rearing - but have never actually tested these theories because they have no children of which to speak.

Please don't take me the wrong way. I welcome advice from others and can certainly benefit from an outside observation or two in my parenting. Those who love us the most are those who are willing to be lovingly honest if they see something has gone awry. My point is simply this; you do not know how you will react or behave as a parent until children have actually slidden down your birth canal.

Before we had children of our own, we may have paid lip-service to how we thought we would raise our own children (never letting them do this or that), scoffed at others whose toddlers were seemingly out-of-control, and we may have been thoroughly angered by the woman in the store who at her wit's end raised her voice to her five small children. We had parenting all figured out, didn't we? Now make way for baby - the character revealer.

Becoming a parent has the unique ability to show us exactly what we are lacking in the realm of character traits. Whether we have a weak backbone, difficulty with self-discipline, or trouble controlling our tempers - be prepared to have that flaw magnified by a hundred-fold!

Character Revealer #1: Lack of Sleep Nursing at 12:00 am, 2:00 am, and 4:00 am - running into walls as you attempt to find the screaming baby in the darkness - wandering your home with luggage under your eyeballs and no strong hope for a nap until dad gets home from work. We've all been there. Now, entangle all this drama with a bucketful of raging hormones and you've got a tasty recipe for a character revealer. We may find ourselves being short or just plain rude to our spouses, crying in a corner as we attempt to juggle life as we once knew it, losing our cool with other children as they fall into a rumpled heap of screaming tantrum atop our tired feet.

If you've signed up for being a parent, you may have missed the fine print at the bottom of the contract which reads, "Caution: You will lack sleep for the next eighteen years whether in the night you are feeding infants or awaiting the arrival of a tardy teen." Parenting in itself is an exhausting task, and we all engage in emotional foolishness when not well- rested. Be sure to care for yourself as you care for your offspring. Proper nutrition and rest are your only friends in the next years. Making those two things a priority can help you to better care for your flock.

Character Revealer #2: Extreme Chaos I am compelled to share a recent situation in which I, in the midst of extreme chaos, failed the "character test." During a particularly "tightly-scheduled" day, I had myself a plan. My husband was at work, and I was to be gone with gal-pals in the latter part of the evening to attend a play. Strategically I began to make our dinner and lunch meals simultaneously. How clever of me. This would eliminate the "oh-dear-I-need-to-make-dinner- and-I-have-not-even-gotten-my-mascara-on- yet" panic. I could feed the children their dinner and then methodically drop them at their grandmother's house.

So, I strapped on my apron and began frying bacon for our evening BLT's as I prepared the lunch meal. Just about this time, one of my older children emerged from the stairway exclaiming, "Mom, the basement floor is wet!" As I made my way down to the lowest level of our four- level home, I found their observation to be quite true. My basement floor was wet alright - with two inches of water in all four rooms! We later discovered the cause to be my three-year-old child having turned on the hose which was directly pointed into the foundation of the house. The hose had been on for over five hours!

I quickly turned off my bacon, and began to shop- vac the flood. Suddenly, smoke, sparks and fire began to erupt from the motor of the vacuum as my younger children danced and splashed along the basement floors. Mama, with no flying colors to speak of, failed the character test that fine summer day. Let's just politely say that the vacuum was not the only place from which the sparks were flying!

Although I had planned out the seamless schedule, I spent the next two hours un- flooding the basement. My uncooked bacon sat quietly in the greasy pan. Need I say more? The children were delivered to their grandmother's house without having eaten any dinner at all.

In retrospect, I can see that when the rug was pulled out from under me, I didn't react with emotional maturity. I focused on the chaos of the now and did not allow myself to bring life into perspective. Was this episode going to kill myself or my children? Was I going to suffer a devastating loss? Of course not! Fifteen minutes into the clean- up, peace was once again restored as each of us stepped into our roles of problem resolution. If only we could allow ourselves in those few fleeting seconds between stimulus and response to choose the high-road instead of the road of reactivity. I'm still working on that! Pray for me.

Character Revealer #3: Freedom to Choose Without Accountability The nature of our job as at-home parents enables us to have the freedom of choice regarding how we behave within the four walls of our homes. Nothing can reveal a person's character better than giving them a slot of time and then standing back to observe how they manage that time. Will they serve themselves or others?

Daily, we as parents are given slots of time. How will we choose to utilize that gift? Will we use consistency in discipline or will we allow ourselves to train as our emotions waiver? Will we allow the children to play by themselves all day or will we take the time to interact and build meaningful relationships? Will we hold grudges of resentment toward our children or will we choose to forgive daily? Will we choose selfishness and neglect to train our children in household duties because it is too difficult? Will we choose the "unimportants" over the "importants"? Each day, we make seemingly small decisions which will provide the framework of childhood for our kids. Let's not forget the importance of character even when no one is around to see. Each small decision counts.

As you can see, parenting has the opportunity to reveal character (whether good or bad) like no other job can. Consider yourself blessed to have the chance for character growth. None of us will ever reach perfection, but as long as we're on the planet - we may as well improve.