Parenting as Hospitality
Nothing could be more crucial to parenting as hospitality. It is the most necessary aspect of raising a child. For with hospitality parents are required to recognize the person, and the individual that is their child, and to give this person full respect and consideration. It is striking how often parents fail to do so. And it is not at all surprising how messed up a child becomes when mistreated by a parent. Like the old saying goes, as the tree is bent, so shall it grow. Show me an adult that is lacking proper social skills, and I'll show you someone who was not treated with respect by their parents. And that old excuse is hogwash -- where supposedly a perfectly good parent ends up with a malcontent for a child. Give me a break. Such things are only said by people who are afraid to look past the facades of our disingenuous society. People say, "oh, but they were good people. How could they end up with such a bad child?" By what measure are these people deemed "good?" Because they've never been in trouble with the law? Because they are hard workers? Because they pay their bills on time? Because they attend Church? Sorry, but none of these things guarantee good parenting skills. Especially good intentions. Saying, "I did the best I could," is the worst excuse for poorly raising a child. Raising a good child requires a tremendous amount of effort. First and foremost, a parent should make the effort to learn how to properly raise a child. Getting knocked up does not also magically impregnate someone with good parenting skills.
A child is not an animal to be mastered, but a human to be loved. And mastering your child is NOT an act of love. Neither is beating your child, nor is belittling your child, or another other act that is demeaning or degrading. Love is only love when it builds a person up, makes a person stronger, teaches the person to love in return. If you treat your children with hospitality, they will treat you with hospitality in return. Anything less, and you failed to properly raise your child.
Published by Billy Cole
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14 Comments
Post a CommentYou cant respect & consider ur kids if ya uninvolved!! Hey , skyline drive played at limelight last sunday! Didya go? tix were $9, pretty steep for a joker who cant afford toilet paper, I no . Didya try to sneak in anywayz & get the bum's rush from securty?? huh? How come ya never mention the band in your blog? dont you like them?
If you read my comments carefully, you'll notice I don't offer a diagnosis but instead encourage you to ask yourself some questions and then consider whether you might have stpd.(there's an excellent article on it at Mayo Clinic online.) Social anxiety in ptsd arises not so much from low self-esteem as from suspiciousness & paranoid ideation (e.g. your 12/28/08 blog post where you believe everyone is p*ssing on you ! your reaction to my two previous HELPFUL comments!) My descriptions of you as a " lazy longer" and " perpetual stranger" are fair and reasonable rather than either derogatory or flattering. After all, you must admit that alienation , lovelessness and estrangement are leitmotifs of your blog! There's no reason to get so offended! Having stpd doesn't make one bad- just horribly unhappy and frustrated. Well, I hope you have a fun summer & a safe and sane fourth . I hope you also had a joyous Father's Day .
amicus, i don't believe you have ever met the homeless guy, and yet you attempt to give a diagnosis of his condition? I believer your attempt to label the homeless guy speaks more to your own shortcomings than it does about him.
oops. I meant schizotypal instead of " schizoaffective" Just a Freudian slip, I guess. I don't think hg is all that crazy or do I? Just curious, what manner of comments do you think would really help hg? To adjust his expectations to his ability? To liken his flattened affect , lack of empathy and self -absorbed personality to a chronic disease he needs to accept, treat and adapt to? self-acceptance and coming to terms his ambivalence re work and relationships , in short. What's wrong with that?
Interesting the comments left here. They all claim to be seeking a greater understand, but all they are doing is attacking, criticizing, belittling this blogger. If these are typical of the comments he received on his own blog, I not surprised that he had them turned off. Whatever ails this homeless guy, these comments could only make his psychological situation worse.
I'm pleased you now see the need to understand yourself better. However I question the diagnosis you have received.Does it seem like there 's a plexiglass shield between you and other people? Do you crave attention and admiration from others yet are unable to fathom them and resent the obligations any close relationship entails? Do you have trouble completing wht you have started? If you answered 'yes' to these questions you may have a schizoaffective personality disorder. Therapy may help some , introspection by itself may do more harm than good, as in Louis Malle's old film " Feu Follet" (1963) . One mature compromise you could make would be to accept yourself as you are- a flaky perpetual stranger who is destined to lead the lackadaisical lifestyle of a lazy loner - and try to enjoy that life as much as you can!! Shameless and free. But pleeeaaasse don't blame your folks and ex-wife! Your weirdness has caused them enough suffering!
so u don't like " the community interaction" on that blog where your sour little comments were deleted! u have deleted or hidden EVERY comment u have received on your own blog!! how can u criticise some1 for censoring u when u censor every1! u exemplify web rudeness at its worst! a hypocrite to the nth degree! shielding urself from valid criticism also has had a bad effect on your already unpleasant personality; now u have such delusions of grandeur, u fancy urself to be quotable! but ur quote today is just dumb!! enlightenment can not be put into practice unless enlightened social organisations r formed and enlightened institutions r built and that requires a revolution of some kind even if it is a non-violent " velvet divorce"! really , truly u have not intellectually graduated from jr. high!
How hypocritical!! You preach hospitality yet you are a most inhospitable blogger! You should allow comments and personally thank each commenter whether you agree with his comment or not. Class is free! Too bad about your ailing computer but you don't need one to put out a decent blog! You put out a much better blog when you were restricted to 1 hour net use a day. You also blogged more computerless in 2002 than you do today. BE honest , this year far less than 1% of your EXCESSIVE online time was devoted to blogging. By staying offline more , you'll be able to work , socialize, love , learn ,take classes - in general become MORE attuned to your surroundings. You'll actually have something fresh to write about, instead rehashing warped memories. Your old computer may be a crutch but it is also stunting the growth of your personality!At the core of a winning personality is a sense of self-worth. Stop begging like dog , get a job and start contributing to society.
In the previous comment , I meant " possible" instead of " impossible".
At last you've chosen to write about something you ARE an authority on-your own life experiences! While far from finely crafted and flavourfully descriptive, your tale of 2 fathers is oddly poignant since it highlights the limitations of your own mind! Next time you write about your father , try to get inside his head and sse things from his likely perspective. It is impossible for him to have loved you and resented you at the same time. Raising kids was a major burden , a drag on his independence. You should understand this ; you chose lackadaisical freedom over your kids! He also may have felt he was a failure , " a low man on the totem pole", and really got his jollies running circles around you, somehow identifying with your misery at feeling so small and awkward. He may have felt that way himself at work! Being a "good loser" is a lot like being a good hourly employee.