Parenting by Censorship

Wouldn't it be fantastic if we could maintain the innocence of our children by controlling their access to the world? Wouldn't it be great if we could somehow insulate them from anything and everything in the world that we found morally offensive or inappropriate.

Just imagine how easy it would be to raise not only good but excellent children by simply packing them a lunch and tying on their blinders, so they could see no evil, their ear muffs, so they could hear no evil, and their gags, so they could speak no evil. 'Gosh' if we could do this than all of our children could maintain their innocence and than we would be just a few years from a perfect and moralistic society.

Unfortunately, parenting isn't this simple. It's sad but we as parents have to find a way to bring up good and moralistic children in spite of the fact that the world is an often immoral and an inappropriate place.

The sad fact is that todays society is filled with pornography, sexual deviance, profanity, aggression, hostility, racism, hatred, and thousands of other things that we as parents may find morally reprehensible. And to pour salt on this metaphorical wound, the public schools seem to have an agenda that runs contrary to the conservative and moralistic minority here in the United States.

I consider myself a piece of this conservative and moralistic minority, so I can understand why some people would call for censorship of public school reading lists, why they would insist on and use a parental controls on their television sets, and prohibit certain types of music in their homes.

I do none of these things.

I struggle every day to allow my children to make their own choices, and at the same time to monitor the choices that they make. I encourage them to discuss their choices with me and I feel that they are only comfortable enough to do so because I am not going to take away their freedom of choice.

If they are listening to a song that contains sexually explicit, or violent lyrics than I ask them in a non-judgmental tone what they think of that? Do you know what the song means ? Do you understand the overall message of this song, or show, or book ? The answer is usually yes.

Then I ask them how they feel about it, do they like it, do they not like it ? What do they think of it ? We discuss it, we dissect it and we learn from it. During the conversation they will ask me what I think of it.

That's when I tell them. Usually I can find something about it that is positive, the song has a nice beat, or the book is well written, and then I tell them the ideas that are presented in the song or book that I don't think are nice and good, and I tell them what I don't like about it.

And then I do what is often the hardest part, I love them and support them and trust them to make the right and moralistic choice in regards to this media.

I do not insist that they throw it away or hate it, I do not insist that they pass judgment on it. I do not insist that they stop all association with people who feel differently about it. I just make sure that they are aware of all of their choices and I make sure that they are aware that they are allowed to feel any way that they want to.

Feelings, likes, and dislikes are all up to the individual children in my home, behavior is non-negotiable. But in all honesty 99% of all behavior is emulated and I and my wife have the biggest influence on the lives of our children.

Our children will make mistakes, that's not only allowed but expected, and when they do we will not pass judgment on them we will love them and support them.

In the opinion of this writer this is parenting, not bullying, but one day I hope my children will be parents, not judgmental, censuring, terrorists who want to take away others right to choose.