Parenting: Your Child, Homework and Setting Boundaries

According to the article, "Anxiety and Anxiety Disorders in Childred: Information for Parents", put out by the NASP (National Association for School Psychologists), anxiety is based on fear of the unknown. In very small children it normally starts to occur when they are first able to distinguish between parents (known) and non-parents (unknown). At an older age, they may have difficulties when they recognize parents being with them (secure) or leaving them for a short period of time (insecure). Later still, anxiety can develop about "things", such as the dark (unknown), clowns (strangers), new places (unfamiliar) or new schools (unknown expectations). By high school, anxiety is generally caused by more abstract ideas like peer pressure, dating, grades and or belonging or not belonging to special groups.

Because of these studies, it becomes quite clear that reasonable boundaries are needed not only to teach your child responsibility and self-discipline, but also to give them familiar rules and limits. When your child knows what to expect and that expectation is consistent, the anxiety level drops. Because the unknown causes normal anxiety, parents who clearly set reasonable expectations of their child are providing them with the known, rather than the unknown.

Homework is an area where many of these rules and expectations can be set. Though there are different views on the effectiveness of homework, having a consistent time and place to get homework done can be helpful to the child. The question becomes, "What is a reasonable homework request?" NASP has an article to help answer that question. In "Homework, A Guide for Parents", times are given for reasonable homework requests. Quite frankly, I was surprised at their numbers. They do not seem to match the rather hefty amount of homework I've seen being given to my grandchildren, nephews and nieces. According to the NASP document, a child should only be doing 10 minutes of homework per grade in school. Therefore a fifth grader should only have to take approximately 50 minutes to complete their homework. If they are taking more time, then a parent really needs to pay attention. Is the work too advanced for the child? Are they being distracted while they are trying to do their homework? (Is the TV or radio going at the same time?) If both of these are in order, then the parent really does need to speak with the teacher and ask them why they are assigning so much homework each night. Direct them to the paper above and its suggested time limits.

Parents need to take an active role in their children's education and because home work is done at home, it becomes even more important for the adult to monitor this progress. Parents can get a feel for what is happening with their child. Anxiety can occur if the child begins to feel overloaded, or that they are not keeping up with the other children. Anxieties such as these can only be discovered by a parent paying attention. In that role, a parent can often reduce a normal anxiety from becoming an overblown anxiety disorder.

Teachers may have anywhere from 20 to 40 students they are watching. Parents need to take up the obvious slack and actively assist their child by setting clear boundaries, watching the homework load and be willing to discuss any problems or questions with the child's teacher. Because parents and teachers are in a partnership, both parties can work in tandem, creating the safest and most secure environment for the child.