Parenting: Choosing to Stay at Home

When you find out that a baby is coming along, there are a lot of choices to be made. The most important for me was the choice to stay at home with her, and not subject her to daycare. Every parent has different circumstances to consider, and it's an important decision that can change the way your family lives.

During the summer between high school and college, I worked in a daycare. This was one of the big experiences that helped me to decide to never put my child in one. Most of the daycare workers liked their job, most of them were really good with kids, I loved working with the children. The ones who didn't like their job or weren't good with kids were usually just indifferent. I've heard horror stories about daycare workers who were abusive to the children, but during the short time I worked there, I never came across one. What stood out to me was the way the children adapted. They were miserable, they were bored, they acted out, or became very attached to their daycare workers. There were babies who said there first words or took their first steps in front of someone who wouldn't know them in three years, huge milestones that their parents would never have (though many daycare workers are kind enough not to tell the parents, so they can think they have the "first"). There was one little boy who was only four years old who was so attached to me that he would cry when his mother tried to take him, and who could blame him? He spent twelve hours a day with me, and maybe four with his mom.

Another thing you have to overcome is the social stigma that's associated with being a stay at home mother. The feminist movement has moved beyond just helping women in the work force earn fair wages, and insinuates that a woman who stays home to raise her own children is some how inferior to a woman in the work force. This type of socialist ideology isn't geared toward what makes the individual woman happy, and definitely doesn't worry about what is best for the children involved. I have been subjected to scrutiny from feminist friends for my desire to raise a family, and it's something that I try to address, even when it's done under the guise of joking. Choosing to raise your children doesn't mean that you are ignorant, incapable of holding a job, submissive to your husband, stuck, or unhappy. Many stay at home mothers held high positions in companies, making hefty paychecks before making the change, have college educations, and are still some of the hardest working people you'll ever meet.

Being a stay at home mother isn't an easy job. It's constant movement, playing and interacting with the children, keeping house, preparing meals, and it can be easy to forget that Mom deserves some time out too. Something that was important to me when I made the change was that I found something that I really loved to focus on, and preferably something that I could use to help contribute financially to my family. I decided that it was time that I focused on my painting, and I opened my own web store. During the day, when my daughter is happy playing on her own or taking a nap, I sit down and paint. At night, when my husband is home I'll work a bit more. Every once in awhile, I take her to her grandma's house to play, giving me an entire day to relax, paint, and write. It's very fulfilling knowing that I can actually do what I love and stay home with my child at the same time. I never feel like I've given up on anything, but I've gained everything. We have had to make a few cuts to the way we live. We don't eat out as much, I don't buy new clothes as often as I used to, we don't go to as many concerts or movies, but these are not things that I miss. I work from the moment I open my eyes until I crawl into bed, but everything I do has purpose, and I've never been happier or more fulfilled.