Parenting: Be Consistent

Parenting is the hardest and most important job adults will tackle. The trials and tribulations of parenting are varied and inevitable. However if children know exactly what's expected of them, those trials and tribulations will be much less dramatic and they'll be easier to handle.

The single most important aspect of raising children is being consistent in your expectations. This sounds simple enough, but for many households there is very little consistency. Kids need to know what's expected of them or they won't know how to handle situations.

For instance, my children know that when we tell them it's time to get ready for bed, they have to stop what their doing, get their jammies on, brush their teeth, and use the restroom. If they don't follow this routine, they know they won't get a book read to them that night. As parents, we don't like threatening our kids this way but young children respond well to things being withheld from them as punishment.

We've only had to follow through on the threat once. That was a hard evening, but it was effective. Now, whenever they aren't following the bedtime rules, all we have to do is remind them of that evening and they get busy.

If they ever don't follow the bedtime rules even after reminding, then we'll need to follow through with the punishment. This is essential for staying consistent. If kids get away with bad behavior, they will certainly take advantage of the parents the next night.

Be consistent from the Beginning

This consistency should start very early in a child's life. My wife and I tried to keep our newborns on a fairly strict routine. We fed them at the same time each day, put them down for naps at the same times, and put them to bed at the same times. We were consistent, but we weren't totally nuts about it.

We know parents that wouldn't go to important events or outings if it contradicted with their child's nap schedule. We thought this was extreme. If something came up, we wouldn't worry about altering the scheduled routine. After all life is about living, not routines.

As our children got older, obviously routines changed. Naps were a thing of the past, but there were new challenges to consider. Morning routines for school days, table manners, the list is endless, but each situation needed to be dealt with in a certain, consistent manner.

For a while we allowed our children to choose which chair they wanted to sit in at the dinner table. This led to constant bickering about which seat was better. We weren't being consistent and it immediately led to squabbling. We ended the fighting by having the children choose which chair they wanted to be their permanent spot. Now, when we ring the dinner bell our kids run to their chairs without a squawk. They have consistency in where they sit, and there are no more problems.

Consistency leads to good Choices

Parent's reading this may wonder if our consistency and routines will make our boys too dependent on the rules we lay down. Will they be able to think through things on their own? The answer is a resounding, yes.

In fact, it seems our methods actually help our kids figure out solutions better than many of their peers. When a situation crops up that leads to fighting, like who was playing with what toy first, our kids actually work it out on their own. The bigger boy doesn't simply pound the smaller boy; they actually make some guidelines for that toy.

For instance my older child will grab a stopwatch and say he'll use the toy for 5 minutes then they'll switch. This is a well thought out solution to what could have ended in fisticuffs. Watching his parents deal with similar situations consistently, gave him the tools to work things out on his own. I chalk this one up to good parenting.

Of course there are still times when they'll fight no matter what; they are children after all. But having consistency in their lives definitely helps keep them on track. Parents also benefit from the consistency. The children and the parents know what's expected, and knowing makes things much easier.