Parenting and Discipline: Spanking or Not?
One Mother's Lesson in Discipline
Take the area of discipline, for example. When I was pregnant, I sent gentle, patient juju to my unborn fetus, envisioning that I would have a child who would grow up to be, for the most part, pretty docile.
I should have known that God has a much bigger sense of humor than that.
Instead, I have a one year old particular enough to fancy one bowl of popcorn over another. When he does not get to eat out of the one he wants -mine, of course, he shrieks and knocks the bowl across the room. Now, I have worked with various children in different circumstances over the years. I can say that, for my part, I have tried really hard to maintain a consistent approach about standing my ground in these situations. I mean, who would have thought that a grown man or woman would find it so difficult to stand up to a one year old?! It seems, however, that regardless of the consistency, he still manages to find something to have a tantrum over. Throwing a bowl across the room out of rage is not acceptable. It was time for a "pow-pow" - our term for a spankin'.
I understand the many sides to the spanking issue. I have read all the articles on tender redirection and positive reinforcement. But as a parent, I can determine when it's time to spare the rod and when it is not. Regardless of your philosophy, kids are kids. What works for some families does not work for others'. And no matter how you choose to discipline, it is never perfect, never without consequences and almost always heart-wrenching. We are just too fallible.
So the pow-pow was all "shock and awe" for about 10 seconds, and then we hugged and I helped him pick up the popcorn. Although he probably did not comprehend my explanation of why he was just given a pow-pow, he seemed to understand that there was just a demonstration of tough love. Yes, the hand was firm, but the heart was soft. In the end, he finished the popcorn from his bowl on the floor without any more fits.
It is remarkable how hard it can be to parent. It seems like all areas are gray, relative, and circumstantial. We do the best we can, with our unique backgrounds gluing us to various ideas and values, and then we hope and pray that our children won't have only bad things to say about us in therapy some day. What a rush!
Published by Vivian Ortecho
Vivian Ortecho is a freelance writer in central FL whose topics and interests include parenting, faith, culture, and food. Through Vivian Writes, she provides a variety of creative and commercial writing ser... View profile
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5 Comments
Post a CommentMost compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-beating can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. I don't know if I'm allowed to list organizations or websites here, but a quick internet search of the words "spanking can be unintentional sexual abuse" would yield ample testimonies, documentation, etc.
A handful of those trying to raise awareness of why child buttock-beating isn't a good idea:
American Academy of Pediatrics
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
Center For Effective Discipline
Churches Network For Non-Violence
PsycHealth
Behavioral Health Professionals
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child
Parenting In Jesus Footsteps
Archbishop Desmond Tutu
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children
Countries where child buttock-beating is illegal to-date:
Sweden, Finland, Norway, Austria, Cyprus, Italy, Denmark, Latvia, Croatia, Bulgaria, Ger
Inherited Bad Habit
Child buttock-beating for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.
Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.
There are several reasons why child buttock-beating isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson
NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor, M.D., and Adah Maurer, Ph.D.
I love that you call spankings Pow-pows. Softens the blow (pun intended).
Good article.
He knew the reason for the pow pow was that he was disobedient and lost his temper. What I said was that he didn't understand all of the words when I explained it to him, that doesn't mean he didn't know why he was spanked. I make a point to talk to him about it and love on him so he knows it is the behavior, not him, that is "bad". Correcting and training sometimes mean discipline. It is a fine line between this and punishment, but it can be done, and I'd say it's crucial. Children need to learn what the boundaries are, and that there are consequences for disobedience. They can then trust the world to be consistent, in as much as a toddler needs it to be when possible.
I find it odd that you say he probably did not understand the reason for the "pow-pow". If he cannot grasp the reason for it how can he learn from it?