Parenting Independent Children

Parenting independent children doesn't necessarily require nutritious food, a beautiful house, or special classes. X-out well-adjusted parents, after-school sports, and beautiful clothes, as well. Is parenting independent children possible without the trappings of a privileged childhood?

Jeannette Walls, author of The Glass Castle, would argue "yes" to that question.

The Glass Castle is the story of her turbulent childhood at the hands of mentally-ill parents. She and her siblings became fiercely independent despite adversity. They moved to New York, worked hard, and established successful careers. Walls became a best-selling author.

The fact that she lived through childhood seems miraculous. When 3 she boiled her own hot dog and caught her dress on fire. She spent weeks in a burn unit. She suffered multiple molestations. A fall from the family car left her on the side of the road until her parents realized her absence and backtracked for her.

One time she and her family survived for weeks on grapes. She ate food from garbage cans. The kids slept in cardboard boxes in a freezing house. Their ragged clothes prompted teasing at school.

A powerful force overshadowed the abuse and neglect. Walls' struggle to survive fueled an independent spirit. An independent spirit provided the drive and means to escape her circumstances and progress to a better life.

Most kids with childhoods like Walls' don't fare so well. She may be the exception rather than the rule. What factors produced her independence? They are likely the same ones parents wish to instill, under better circumstances, in their own children.

Parenting independent children requires a strong self-esteem. Walls knew her parents loved her, despite their dysfunction. She developed strong bonds with her siblings. She held leadership roles in the family and at school. She knew what she wanted in life. Her strong spirit survived the scorn of others. She focused on goals. This child on a mission knew her importance.

Parenting independent children requires knowledge- Mental illness did not totally define Wall's parents. Educated and incredibly intelligent, they shared a wealth of knowledge with her. The family read voraciously. Walls discovered her passion for reading and writing at a young age. A scarcity of toys and TV forced independent and imaginative play. The children had freedom to explore and learn from their environment.

Abuse and neglect forced her to develop survival strategies. She developed a strong work ethic and valued education. She couldn't rely on parents or privilege to rescue her. She relied on her own abilities and rescued herself.

Jeannette Wall's childhood illustrates that independent children come from all walks of life. No child should have to go through what she did, but the traits leading to her independence are beneficial to all children. Parenting independent children involves coaching kids toward a sense of importance, purpose, and competence. The reward? You get to stand back, and watch your children soar.