Parenting Lost: How a Generation Abandoned Parenting Skills

Generation Excess, the legions of children born on the cusp of the information age, is threatening to end civilized society as we know it. It seems that those adorable little angels have grown to become self-indulgent brats. And, there's not just a few of them, but millions covering the U.S., Britain, and, now. Asian countries such as China and Japan. How did we let this happen? Well, that's easy: We forgot our parenting skills.

This problem has its roots in several places. One such source of the dysfunction is the emotional parenting epidemic that grew out of the seventies. During that time, self-esteem was gaining wide recognition as a crucial component to a child's development. However, the key element to self-esteem, competency, was overlooked. Parents adopted the new views, but did not realize that self-esteem was born out of the confidence that comes with the knowledge that one can do for them. It is born out of the sequence of behaving well, leading to feeling well. Instead, parents believed that the feeling well was key to behaving well. Hence began the new style of parenting that saw to the child's emotions first, and behavior as a secondary issue.

Yet another enabler to Generation Excess was the information age that they grew up with. The growth of the media brought things into the home in a way that had never been encountered before. Children were bombarded by the many types of "stuff" that were available to them. The kids attacked the unknowing parents with demands for the images that were being pushed upon their young minds. The children were told that this new "thing" or that new "stuff" would make them happy. They carried this message to the parents that were waiting to do anything to fulfill that happiness. Pretty soon, MP3 players, cable modems, and game systems were ranked on household's lists the same as food and shelter.

The trend toward the dual-earner households has produced families in which there is little time spent with the children. As a result, the parents feel compelled to substitute quality time with indulgences. Instead of distracting the child, this approach only strengthens the child's wanting attitude. Indulging the child also weakens the parent child bonds that are already strained because of the diminished family time. The added income not only paid for better shelter and better care, but also better things. Now, it is not uncommon to have a typical child's Christmas list value in the thousands of dollars.

The solution to this problem has been prescribed by childhood development specialists, psychologists and researchers for years. However, it was a recent study on the effects of "positive reinforcement" that got the attention of parents worldwide. A study was done how much a child truly benefits from constant, blind praise, and reward systems. The results shocked some, but strict parents worldwide cheered. It seemed that constantly telling your child "yes" and bombarding them with praise and rewards actually caused damage. The child grew up unable to handle disappointment, self-indulgent, and trapped by self gratification.

The simple cure for Generation Excess, it seems, is not a three letter word, but only two-NO. A child needs know that there are limitations to everything. They need to see that not everything can be obtained on a whim. It is the media's job to make us-the consumers-feel that we need it all. It is our job to teach the children that some things are earned. Meegan Francis, author of "It's Okay to Say No" explains that children suffer when parents do for them. She says that children need to know that they can do for themselves; this is what really builds self esteem. It also promotes social skills needed as they grow and interact with the world at large.

They also need to know disappointment. The word "no" throws up barriers that challenge the child. Yes, disappointment is uncomfortable, but it also sparks other much needed developmental traits in children-self- discipline and determination. If Sarah is told that she can't go outside, she will try to figure out how to get what she wants. Maybe she will do the chores or homework that caused the "no" in this situation. She has now learned self-discipline; work first, then play. Maybe it is her bedtime, and she will have to just wait until the next day. She has now learned delayed gratification along with patience.

"No" is a simple concept that can make a huge impact in the future of our world. The generation Excess, which will take over someday, has learned the tools to become responsible caretakers of our world. It is never too late to stop the downward trend. Parents, remember when you were children, grow a backbone, and discipline your children!