Parenting Our Parents: Ways for a Relative to Stay Sane

Being the spouse of someone who is parenting a parent is not easy. It is, of course, difficult for my spouse, who has to do a number of things for her mother. It is difficult for my mother-in-law who does not want to lose her independence and does not want to admit she can no longer do the things she once did. The tension is very thick between the two of them.

What is often overlooked is the role it plays on other people in the family who are not involved in the day to day decisions. I am, to an extent, involved in the care she is getting as I bring my son, her grandson, over at least once a week and we spend time together. I hear my wife complain, I hear my mother-in-law complain and I am in the middle. Still, there is only a small amount I do but I hear all of the problems, and the problems, especially financial ones, can directly affect me.

The fact is, there are a number of support groups for people who are affected by certain situation, even if they are not the ones who created them. For instance, growing up I remember hearing the commercials for Al-A-Non, this was for family and friends of people who were alcoholics. There are similar programs for families of people who are drug addicts. I do not know if there is a support group for family and friends of people in this situation, but there are options. Often times we do not stop to see that we are caught in the middle, but if you are, I urge you to look for a support group like this.

One can just talk with friends to voice frustration. One can also blog. Creating a blog can be very helpful as you have complete control over what is written. You can also read other people's entries and put a response in yourself. One blog that I found which I like seems to be pretty new and is called Parenting Our Parents, at www.parentingoutparents.blogspot.com . I find this to be very helpful.

It is also amazing the amount of frustration and anxiety one can feel if one is caught in such a situation. I strong urge people in such a situation to see a counselor; it is very helpful. You may not be able to control how others interact with each others, or what others do, but you can control what you do. Seeing a counselor to discuss your feelings is certainly one of those options and it helps many people in similar situations.

If you are dealing with this type of problem, I wish you good luck.