Parenting Past Menopause

Today many older men and women who should be getting ready for retirement find themselves raising grandchildren or other young children, either by choice or by necessity. It can be hard on an older person, at a time when they should be taking life easier. But a little planning and thought can help things go a lot easier if you find yourself with a houseful of little ones once again.

I found myself in this position when my husband and I entered our 50's. We already had a large family of seven children. Some had married and left our nest, others were thinking of college, and some were still fairly young, since I had given birth to children on into my 40's.

Then, just as I turned 50, I met some children in my oldest daughter's foster home who captured my heart. Soon, my husband and I were taking classes to get our foster/adopt license. In a twist of circumstances, we didn't get to adopt the original two older children we had gotten our license for, but instead, adopted their newborn baby brother after they were returned to their birth mother. Since we had our license, we decided to foster again while we were in the process of adopting our son. Over the next four years, we fostered three little girls. We loved them all and I greatly enjoyed mothering them through this hard time in their lives. Eventually, two of them went back to their biological families, and one, a year older than our son, was released for adoption. There was no hesitation in our hearts that we would keep her. Two weeks after her adoption was final, we were asked to take her five month old baby brother. A year later, his adoption was final, too.

My husband and I never dreamed we would end up parenting young children again, now with me in my mid 50's, and my husband 60 years old. It has been quite a challenge to raise these three little ones along with the teenaged biological children who still live at home. I have learned quite a lot along the way.

The first thing I learned was that it is more important than ever that I take good care of myself, since I am the one doing most of the physical part of caring for the children. The aches and pains of becoming an older woman hit me pretty hard, especially since some of these five children I cared for were drug babies who needed restraining during emotional melt downs. The screams of two of them were very stressful, too. It was during this time that I found myself having periods of bad tempered moodiness. One day as I tried to figure out what was wrong with me, I realized I had not cycled in several months. I had been too busy to think about menopause, but here it was upon me. Quick research on the subject showed me this was where my mood swings were coming from. Not willing to take hormone therapy unless I really needed too, I visited the local health food store for stress relieving herbal remedies. I found two or three that helped greatly. I was back on track again.

But I had another problem: aches and pains that made me too tired to want to leave the house. That was hard on my teenagers, and they began to complain a bit. I decided it was time to lose the fifteen or so pounds I had let pile on. I began to cut what I ate in half. If I wanted a candy bar, I ate it, but first I cut it in half and gave away the other half. I ate what everyone else ate at dinner time, but I took half portions. I tried eating only raw food for the first two meals of the day. I quit drinking anything with calories. Before long, the fifteen pounds was gone. I continued to eat this way to keep them off.

That helped a lot, but not completely, so I went to see a chiropractor. She needed to do a lot of adjusting, and while it was a bit painful at first, I began to see amazing results. My aches diminished, and I really enjoyed the massages. I went quite often at first, then we began to space my visits out a bit. I have recently given up regular visits, but I know she is there if I need her again.

I've had to admit my stocky toddler is too heavy for me to carry around, and I give in to letting my 17 year old son help when we are not home and the baby needs to be carried. For me, this has been one of the hardest parts of being an older mother, because I have always loved to carry my babies and feel their soft breath against my neck. Now I have to settle for the rocking chair if I want to cuddle them.

I have to watch for laziness in discipline on my part too. The older children are quick to help, but it's not really their job, and they are not mature enough to do a lot of it. I have to drag myself out of my comfortable chair where I would like to sit and crochet like Grandma Moses, and train the little ones in my house. But I know by now the rewards are well worth the effort.

It's not what I thought life would be like in my 50's. It's even better than I dreamed. I love parenting. As these last three grow out of diapers and baby bottles and I am considering taking down the baby bed, I feel sad and wonder if there will ever be any other children in my life that I will get to raise. If so, I am ready. If not, I have been fulfilled and blessed beyond what I ever imagined. The Lord has given me ten children, and I am content.

And to those people who want to remind me I will be in my 70's before my last child is grown, I smile happily and remind them I will be 70 years old with a grown child, not 70 years old with an infant - that is, unless the Lord continues to bless me!