Parenting for Safe Teen Drivers

You basically have three options in your attempt to insure that your child makes responsible choices on the road. The first is representative of what we can call "Free Parenting". This is a completely hands-off approach. The second option we can call, "Authoritative Parenting". Here, you count on your rules to rule your child. The third option we can call, "Reasonable Parenting" because it relies, to a large extent, on informing your child of the reasons behind responsible action.

You follow the Free Parenting approach if you simply entrust your child's fate to Drivers' Ed, giving him the complete privilege to drive when and where he chooses, without requiring him to inform you of where he is driving, who he is driving with, and when you can expect him to return. This is your most dangerous option because while your child may have the ability to drive well enough to pass his test, he may lack the emotional maturity and responsible judgment to be entrusted with that much unconditional freedom.

Your second option, more commonly chosen than the first, proves only slightly more effective, but often produces about equally tragic results. Here you count on the power of your authority by establishing certain rules, like no night driving, no driving with more than two occupants in the car, staying within the speed limit at all times, etc. Then, you count on him following your rules out of deference to your authority, even when you are not there. This often turns out to be Free Parenting with a mask of supervision, because as long as the child agrees, and does not get caught, he is free to do as he pleases.

Your third option is based on the reality that you really do not have total control over your child's actions, which the second option pre-supposes. Nor does it deny that you have a certain degree of influence and that you also have responsibility to employ that influence to the best of your ability. Here, you still establish rules, but you back those rules up with explanations of the dangers they are designed to avoid. Then, and this is very important, you express trust in and respect for your child's judgment. This helps your child understand his responsibilities, and to see himself as someone worthy of being trusted with those responsibilities, which leads him to make responsible choices.

In addition to reasons, bolster your influence by making your child's driving privileges contingent on his demonstration of mature, responsible self-conduct on and off the road. For instance, you can require a certain grade-level in school for his driving privileges to remain in tact. You can explain your reason for this as follows: "I can only tell if you are mature enough to handle the responsibilities of driving by the general level of maturity and responsibility that you demonstrate."

In addition to the use of reasons and consequences, and equally important to foster a child's responsible self-care, consistently relate with the child as if his feelings count. This means relating with him in a way that supports his self-confidence and self-respect. Talking down to a child, criticizing him with attitudes of annoyance, disappointment and disapproval lowers a child's self-esteem and drives him to behave rebelliously and destructively.

Finally, the quality of your connection with your child has more to do with the quality of your child's self-conduct than just about any other factor. The better your relationship with your child, the better your child feels about himself and his life, and, therefore, the more precautions he will take to take care of his life.