Parenting Styles Revealed: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Here's an assignment for you: head to your local playground. Stop on your way and get yourself an iced coffee. When you get there, park yourself on a bench. Sit back, relax and simply watch the interactions between the parents and their children for a while. As you sit and sip, you may begin to notice a few basic types of parenting styles emerge. See if what you observe falls into any of the following parenting sub-types.

1) The Reluctant Indulger. These parents would rather sit and watch their kids play but they feel too guilty to do so. They shuffle along after their kids with little energy, doing whatever their children ask them to do. You may find them wedged in a tunnel slide or dizzy from the swings. What you won't find, though, is a smile on their faces.

2) The Fearful Controller. These parents are afraid of everything from germs to scrapes and bruises to grass-stained jeans. They closely follow their children, armed with a bottle of Purell and an outstretched hand ready to prevent any possible falls or injuries. You will hear them saying things like, "That's too high" or "Be careful" or "Don't touch that; it's dirty!"

3) The Pride-filled Praiser. To these parents, their child is special and they are quick to let the world know. They exude excitement over every little accomplishment, no matter how small. They clap, jump and cheer as little Johnny completes a task that 95% of children his age can do. It is often hard to have a conversation with these parents as their eyes never leave their prized possession for more than a distracted moment and they frequently interrupt you to cheer on their little star.

4) The Inept Intimidator. Deep down, these parents are terrified that they haven't a clue as to what they are doing. They cover up these feelings of inadequacy with intimidation. You will likely see them bent at the waist, eye to eye with a shamefaced child, quietly, but fiercely, spewing sharp words through clenched teeth. They often say things like, "Don't you ever do that again; you hear me?" These parents use glaring or menacing looks from afar to keep their kids in line when they are out of reach.

5) The Innocent Bystander. These parents take a "kids will be kids" approach to parenting. If their child offends another, they shrug it off. If their child gets into trouble, they let him figure it out. They are often found on the periphery of the play area, nervously laughing with the many like-minded parents around them. They simply watch from a distance as their children run wild.

6) The Disinterested Rejector. These parents would rather be somewhere else. They are usually engrossed in a phone call or a text to a friend. If their child has a need, they may ignore it or meet it haphazardly without even a second of eye contact. They may threaten to leave if things get too bad, but are often too quickly distracted by their own interests to follow through.

Of course, each of the sub-types explored here are described in their purest form. You may find that the parents you observed are actually a blend of more than one type. Maybe you even caught a glimpse of yourself. At the very least, your research has likely proven that parents aren't perfect. And hopefully you've learned that you don't have to be either.

More from Laura Kuehn, LCSW

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