Parenting Teenagers: On the Internet

Social-networking sites like Myspace and Facebook have exploded in popularity for today's teenagers. They are places where teens can post profiles and blogs, leave messages for one another, and connect with new people through friends or on their own.

Even though social-networking sites, instant messaging, chat rooms, E-mail, and he like may not seem to qualify as social gathering spots to parents, for teens, they function very much like the malls and burger joints of earlier eras. They're where young people go to hang out, gossip, posture, dare, and generally figure out how the world works. "What you see is all the behaviors you should recognize from your own teenage years," says Danah Boyd, a doctoral candidate at Berkeley who has studied children's social practices online. "The difference is that now it's less physical and more word-based."

Parenting teenagers in this virtual world doesn't require a whole new set of skills, though a little technological savvy sure doesn't hurt. What it does require is a willingness to pay attention, ask a lot of questions, and set some rules and stick by them, even at the risk of making your kids mad at you-familiar parenting territory. For better or for worse, teens today have developed a mode of inter-personal communication that is foreign and unfamiliar to many adults. How do you navigate this strange, new world with your teen?

COMMUNICATE
First and foremost, communicate with your son or daughter about what these sites are, how they should be used, and what measures they should take to protect themselves. Never assume that your child understands not to give out personal information or accept online "friends" that they don't know.

LEARN
It may be intimidating, but it is important to learn what these sites are and how they work. Know the lingo. For example, to say that someone is my online friend has little connection to whether or not we are friends at school. It simply means I have granted them access to see my profile page - and they have done the same for me. Parents should always know who is on their child's friend list.

Consider setting up a profile for yourself. Surfing the site and playing with its features yourself will help you understand how it works as well granting you access to your child's profile.

SET LIMITS
As you are well aware, adolescence is an intensely social time, and these sites allow teens can be connected with their peers night and day. Psychologists and Internet experts say they are seeing a growing number of kids who are addicted to being online. Kids who are socially anxious or insecure may be particularly vulnerable, says Willard. Having tons of online friends and being in constant contact through text messaging or cellphones reinforce a feeling of acceptance. Setting limits on the amount of time children can spend online is an obvious strategy for parenting teenagers, but it's also critical for parents to emphasize the importance of having a balance of interests and activities. This only works, however, if parents themselves have balanced lives and aren't online all the time.

The bottom line is that social networking - when set up with the proper limits - is not a bad thing for today's teens. Like any social situation in the adolescent years, it can be cause for concern, but staying up-to-date and communicating regularly with your child can help avoid many of those dangers.