Parenting Tips I Learned from Television Parents

Television presents parents in all varieties. Some are smart. Some are not so smart. It shows parents that always know the answer. It also presents those who stumble onto the answer if they ever find it at all.

The thread that weaves them into a common fabric is that from Ozzie and Harriet through the pilots about to hit the airwaves, they all confront issues that are common to parents in the real world. If we will allow it, most of the time we can learn from their successes and their failures.

As a parent, I have managed to glean a few pointers from these shows. Some have been quite obvious while others have required reading between the lines. Whether right or wrong, it has been comforting to know that I am not alone in dealing with some of the stickier issues of parenting. Here are five favorites:

1. "Leave It to Beaver's," June and Ward Cleaver are the standard bearers when it comes to television parents. This series, which has lasted through nearly 5 decades, continues to model what parents wish they could be. One of the best examples of parents confronting sibling rivalry between their children comes from this show.

Wally and Beaver had been upset with each other throughout the episode. Ward and June had tried their best to help the boys get along with each other, but it just was not working. Finally, near the end of the show, the boys have been sent to their room so that the parents could form their plan.

June turns to Ward and says in the fashion typical of that era, "Ward, you need to do something." His succinct but accurate response was, "What do you want me to do; go upstairs and slap them into liking each other?"

Parents can do little to keep children from competing with each other. I have applied this principle time and again as a parent. There just are some times that you have to let your children work out their relationship without your interference.

2. Watching Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor on "Home Improvement" was always a lesson in parenting running amok. Tim always applied that "more power" to everything he took on in life. With his boys, he was always trying to bring "more power" into their lives.

One episode stands out as an example of why parents should try not to do too much to help their children succeed. The oldest son was having a party, and it was time to have both boys and girls together. A dance floor was needed. So, Tim decided to build a special wooden dance floor so that his son could impress the girl.

It was a beautiful floor. The problem was that in his zeal to be impressive, Tim decided to put about 2 dozen coats of wax on the floor. It was slicker than ice. The inevitable happened. The special girl took a special fall and ended up in the emergency room. His son was embarrassed.

As a parent who was always there to assist my children, this story line reminded every time to back off just a little. Children need to be able to succeed on their own if they are going to grow into capable adults.

3. Howard and Marion Cunningham on "Happy Days" were another set of parents that set the bar high. My parenting education from this show focused on their mistakes. Typical of the generation that they portrayed, the Cunninghams gave considerable freedom to their sons while being quite restrictive on their daughter.

In one show, this came to a head. Joanie decided to rebel until she could have more freedom with a more realistic curfew. As a parent of daughters, this show served to keep me on track with my girls. I had to realize that although it is a natural tendency to be a little more protective of girls, they need the freedom to grow and mature socially. Many times I though about Howard having to swallow his overprotective attitude and let his little girl grow up.

4. In the "Brady Bunch," the Brady parents watched their children grow from childhood into adolescence. While no single episode stands out, several confronted the issue of teenage rebellion as teens want to test their wings in the world. Marsha and Tom, after the comedy was taken care of, always seemed to be ready to let the wayward teen find his or her own way through the mess that always ensued.

As my children reached that teen milestone, somewhere in the back of my mind, I could still see the Bradys letting their children learn the hard way. It was difficult to do as a parent, but sometimes there are lessons that can only be learned in life by experience.

5. Perhaps an unusual choice, but Archie and Edith Bunker taught me, too. "All in the Family" was an edgy sitcom in its day. It confronted parenting an adult child, a son-in-law, and later a grandchild. The family often seemed anything but typical.

While I did not always agree with Archie, I had to admire his willingness to reach back and give his children a leg up in the world until they could stand on their own. In a time when today's parents spend an average of nearly $10,000 per year on their children who are over 25, Archie just may deserve hero status as a parent.

The episode at the beginning of the series when Mike and Gloria decided to move in with the Bunkers sticks in my mind. Archie was glad to have Gloria, but not so glad to get Mike. To get his daughter, he accepted the package.

What a lesson in parenting that when our children marry, it may not always be the person that we would choose for them. As parents, we rarely get a vote that matters on this. The choice is ours. In my case, I learned to accept my sons-in-law to get to keep my daughters. They do not live with us, but we still have to live with them in our lives.