Parenting Tips and Suggestions from a Stay-at-Home Dad

Gone are the days of conventional parenting where the Mom always stayed home with the children and the Dad was always the bread winner. Today, there are many combinations of child care; often it makes sense for the woman to be the bread winner and the Dad to stay home with the children.

I recently interviewed one of these Dads. Brian Whitehead currently lives in South Carolina and has been a full-time stay-at-home Dad now for 2 years. Telling and often witty, here is the result of that interview.

Q. Is there something that surprised you the most in your At-Home-Dad arrangement?

Brian: Probably how utterly exhausting it can be. You don't think a child or two should be able to run you ragged, but they do.

Q. What was the most difficult chore you encountered?

Brian: Settling into a routine of eating properly. Most men really don't ponder too much on nutrition and proper eating, but it's something that's obviously very important for children. Getting into this Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner routine was not easy for someone who never ate Breakfast and ate Lunch and Dinner at Whenever O'Clock.

Q. How many children do you care for? If more than one, did you feel a great difference between watching one child or two or more?

Brian: Two. And yes, two is GREATLY more difficult than one, especially when they're very young (in my case, 1 and 3). Double the amount of attention you need to pay (which is nigh impossible, as the *previous* amount was already 100%), double the paranoia of what they're doing or about to do that may get them hurt, double everything. I've heard tell that a third child is actually much easier than the second one, but I don't intend to find out.

Q. Were any of the children nursing and if so how did your wife and you manage that? If so, how long was she able to nurse the children while working?

Brian: They both nursed, and their Mother pumped while at work, so they could have bottles of breast milk during the day. Both of them nursed well into a year old, but as they approached and surpassed 1 year, it became an only at night thing. The only really difficult thing about it was finding the quickest and safest possible way to heat up a bottle while having to listen to a baby scream and fuss while they waited for it. It took me a good two months before I found a method that was as quick, safe, and efficient as possible.

Q. Since you watch the children all day, how do you get your adult time; your own time for you to talk and interact with adults?

Brian: This is exceedingly important for anyone who is a Stay At Home Parent: Adult interaction Is-A-Must. Without it, you will become miserable and lose your mind. Since my wife must be up hours earlier than I, when I go out I usually do so after she goes to sleep, to go see a friend and hang out or whatever. There is also, of course, my PS3, which keeps me sane on the days when going out isn't feasible. Gaming online isn't quite as satisfying as getting out of the house, but playing with friends whom I've known for years now is pretty stress relieving.

Q. What are the arrangements for the housework? The yard work? The shopping?

Brian: I take care of more of the housework than I'd like, but I'm the one here all day. Yard work was always mine, and shopping is really a "Whoever Gets To It" thing. Truthfully, I'd rather do the shopping, because I do most of the cooking and it's a chance to get out of the house, usually without kids in tow.

Q. Which activity or skill do you think had the biggest learning curve for you?

Brian: Probably the ins and outs of what to feed them, what they can eat and when, avoiding allergens, etc. As adults, we really don't think too often about what we eat- we know what we like, we know what we *don't* like, and we go from there. With children, some things their bodies just can't handle, and some things their bodies *shouldn't* handle.... keeping on top of it can make your head spin.

Q. Would you recommend this arrangement to other Dads? Why?

Brian: I would recommend it to anyone if it worked for them and their lives. Day Care can be great, and when they get up to 3 or 4 can be actually very beneficial for the socialization aspects, but there's really no substitute for being able to be with them so much. My 1 year old daughter claps when she sees football or the Steelers. Why? Because I brainwashed her into it, loll, and I was able to do that because she's not in Daycare. In Daycare, God knows what would have happened. She might have become a Panthers fan, and I cannot express the world shattering tragedy such a thing would be.

Q. Is there anything else you would like to share with us?

Brian: I find it intensely annoying how much the world is still set to this idea of Women Stay At Home And Care More About Parenting. Case in point: Parenting magazine. The tag line for that publication, every month, is "What Matters To Moms." Ex-CUSE me? What about Dads? The magazine isn't Moms Magazine, it's *Parenting* magazine, which implies two parents. But that sort of exclusion is par for the course for us. Women have all sorts of glass ceilings to break through, but when it comes to parenting, the glass ceiling in place there is for Dads.

Source:

Email Interview with Brian Whitehead, a South Carolina Stay-at-Home Dad.