Parenting Tips: Teen Dating, Kissing, and Sex

Parents of teenagers need stamina, resources, and support dealing with teen angst. The worst teen issue is dating and everything that surrounds it. Teens need to know about sex. Discuss consequences, serious aspects, accepted behaviors, and what is involved in having a healthy relationship. Then back yourself up and have your teen take any health or sex education courses offered at school.

We have a teenaged daughter. We've had the sex talk. We've discussed the various topics and signed her up for the classes offered at school. We have even signed an abstinence contract. Considering the way things are today, have we done enough? What more can we do? They say the best defense is a good offense. Our strategy: be educated, be prepared for the worst, and accept that you have done your best.

Teen Dating

I was sure my daughter would be little forever, then one day she grew up. Talk about a reality jolt. The first issue that came up: dating. When can I start dating Mom? Suzy's dating, how come I can't have a boyfriend? Mom, can I just have friends that are boys? Is it all right if Tommy calls the house? Is it okay if I call Timmy? Can I go on group dates, to the movies, or to a dance?

My teen brow beat me to death with the dating subject. I told her from an early age that she could not date until she was at least 30. I was serious. She turned 13 and I was hounded more. She turned 14 and suddenly all of her friends were dating. I realized that the dating kids were doing was eating lunch together, holding hands, walking to class together, and carrying books. Okay, I could live with that for the time being, but no kissing.

Teens Kissing

We are bombarded with kissing on television in advertising, programming, movies, and even images of lips with smooching noises. It's pretty difficult to open a magazine without seeing images of a kissing couple. I won't even talk about the Internet--kissing, sex, you name it is there. I could break all ties with the outside world and shelter my teen forever that would make me happy. Sadly, I must allow her to grow up.

As luck would have it, our school district has a kissing policy. Any kissing other than on the cheek is against the rules. First offense is a verbal warning. Second you are sent to the principle. Eventually parents are notified and so on. (The school is stricter on cell phone usage than kissing--parents are called on the first offense and have to pay a fine to get the phone back!) Cell phones are communication tools; kissing is first base towards sex, as I remember it.

Kissing leads to arousal. Teens need to know this. Kissing is sensual, sexy, up-close and personal. There should be certain lines drawn when it comes to kissing and they should know once some lines are crossed it may be hard to come back.

Kissing Consequences

Kids should be taught that just like everything else there are consequences to kissing. There's mononucleosis, the kissing disease, which is an incurable respiratory virus that affects blood cells and saliva glands. "Mono" is part of the herpes family but does not cause cold sores or genital herpes; it may trigger outbreaks if you have those viruses. Symptoms include high fever, sore throat, swollen glands, headaches, muscle aches, and enlarged liver and spleen. Having mononucleosis may also increase the risk of developing Multiple Sclerosis (MS). (Cool Nurse)

Other diseases that can be contracted through kissing: Meningitis, Bacterial Meningitis, Cytomegalovirus, genital warts, Gonorrhea, most sexually transmitted diseases (STD), Hepatitis C, and other common ailments like the flu, the common cold, and upper respiratory infections. (Wrong Diagnosis)

Teen Sex

It happens. I have to bring up the issue. We all believe that our teen would never do that. Our child, our baby, is innocent and unknowing of such acts.

Recently, I had a conversation with another parent and the teen sex issue came up--did you know that some teens think that a "blow job" is nothing and is as common as shaking hands? Basically, they do not think it is a sexual act and is perfectly acceptable. The other parent's teen daughter is involved in peer counseling and this is what she heard from several students in the group. Somewhere in the back of my head a vein snapped.

Even though I already had the sex talk with my daughter, I had to do a review. Oral sex is sex. Anal sex is sex. Vaginal sex is sex. Kissing, fondling, petting, rubbing, (I could go on but I'll stop here) can all lead to sex and may put you into a situation you may not be able to get out of.

I want my daughter to be aware that there are consequences to having sex other than just making babies. We went online and viewed graphic images of genital herpes, looked up facts about HIV, and every STD I could come up with.

Earn Their Trust

Keep up with your teen. Talk to your teen--be open, upfront, and listen with a keen ear. You must earn their trust so they will feel comfortable coming to you with questions, concerns, or problems before their friends. Keep a watchful eye on what your teen is viewing on television, seeing on the Internet, and reading in books. Watch for changes in their attitude, behavior, and habits.

If your teen is dating, ensure that you meet the person and their parents. Develop a relationship with the parents so you can come to an understanding about ground rules, keeping tabs, and see where their dating policies stand.

Be Informed

The computer and all those little devices are a big part of the teen world now. You need to know how to access, operate, and navigate everything. Try to set limits on computer use, phone calls, and curfews--be their friend but be the enforcer too.

Does your teen instant message (IM)? Know the password for the IM and keep the settings where the messages are archived so you can keep tabs on who, what, where, when, why, and how. Read their blog if they have one. If they are members of any network communities, be sure you have access to their pages. (The Anti-Drug)

Learn the messaging lingo. Kids have developed their own little language and you better learn it. A great site on leetspeak, hakspeak, or net lingo: Netlingo.com

Check the computer history often. Scour all of your child's Internet habits. Check websites they visit for any thing you may consider distasteful or harmful. Ensure that the computer settings block pop ups that may be a bad influence or direct you somewhere you don't want to be.

In all of this, the most important thing is they know you love them. Hug your teen often. Praise them often. Do family things often. There will be good and bad times. Relish the good and deal with the bad. When you have a good bond with your child, you can watch their back and they will respect you for doing it.

With this article I wanted to include a copy of our abstinence contract however it is a copyrighted document. I found this contract, which is very similar: Abstinence Contract. I believe it is a powerful tool and something your child will have nagging them in the back of their mind if a situation were to rise.