Parenting Toddlers: How to Deal with the Terrible Twos

The phrase " Terrible twos" can send shivers down the spine of any parent who has had the pleasure of living through them. Just hearing those two little words can bring flashbacks of toddlers screaming, throwing tantrums, throwing things and last but not least, the word No! As a mother of four children I know all too well what the terrible twos can bring. I have survived the terrible twos twice. I am currently surviving and living through them again. This time I get double the pleasure having two toddlers ages one and two years old. With all this experience I have found a few tips and tricks that might just help a parent keep their sanity through a very trying time.

The word no seems to be a toddler's favorite word. Mix the word no with a toddler and you get the terrible twos. Shortly after their first birthday or around age two, a child begins to seek independence. The word no is a toddlers freedom word. It allows them the opportunity to choose. It gives them a sense of control and independence. When dealing with the word no I found that it is easier to offer my children a choice. Giving them a choice allows them to say no to one thing and yes to another. Keep it simple when allowing your child to choose. I always offer two options. If you offer too many choices it can cause confusion and frustration. I allow my children a choice for breakfast, clothes to wear, games to play, or even a television show. When there is no choice you can offer, try to make them a part of the experience. My daughter hates to get in the car. It is a battle every time we walk out the door. I have found if I let her carry my purse to the car, and allow her to open the door, the battle is soon forgotten. Many times by offering a choice and allowing your child to participate, you can curb the use of the word no.

Tantrums and the terrible twos go hand in hand. As a parent we have all had the unfortunate opportunity of dealing with tantrums. There are two ways I find helpful when dealing with tantrums. The technique I use for my two year old is to quickly advert her attention. When she starts to throw a tantrum I might say quickly, " Did you hear that bird?." " Listen, it is chirping outside." Nine times out of ten she will stop to listen. This directs her attention in a different direction. We can now talk about birds and the tantrum is soon forgotten. Now my one year old is a different story. You cannot change his mind at all. It might be because he is so much younger. The best way I find when dealing with his tantrums is to just let him go. I make sure he is safe and walk away. Soon after he realizes he is receiving no attention he will stop. If I am in the middle of the store and a tantrum rears it's ugly head that can be more difficult to deal with. Sometimes with him I just have to walk out. There is simply no other way to deal with it in a public place.

Hitting is another product of the terrible twos. The best way I have found to deal with a child that is hitting is to " sit out " and apologize. We actually have a " naughty stair ", in my house. When my older child hits she sent to that designated stair. She is not allowed to move from that stair until she says sorry. Usually after a minute or two she is bored of the stair and will apologize to whom ever she hit. My son is only a year old and does not quite comprehend the idea. With him, I will grasp his hand and say, " no hitting, not nice." This usually does the trick. When he is older, he will graduate to the use of our " naughty stair ." Keep in mind when your dealing with hitting, it is not useful to hit or smack your child's hand. Children are great imitators. When you smack their hands you are actually reinforcing the act of hitting.

Screaming is another big thing. I have taken my share of Tylenol for the headaches it can create. Imagine two children screaming at the same time. It is no wonder my neighbors do not deem our house, " the crazy house." It certainly can sound like someone is going mad. I have found that adverting my children's attention, as explained above, does the trick most of the time. Other times I will put my finger to my mouth and make the shh sound. As I mentioned before children are great imitators. If you scream at a child to be quiet, again you are reinforcing the action of screaming. Just like when I say, " shh ", most of the time my children will mock me, and stop yelling.

Always remember that when your child is showing the signs of the terrible twos, he or she is really just trying to express themselves. Being a toddler is tough. You do not have all the words in your vocabulary to express yourself. You are too young to know how to deal with your feelings. Most of the time when children act up as a toddler, it is out of frustration. Always remember too that the terrible twos will not last forever. I have a sixteen year old and a 10 year old. I miss them toddling around and discovering their new world. Children grow up very fast. Take in and experience all the good and the bad with your children. Someday you too will miss those days of innocence and learning.

Adverting their attention, allowing them to be part of the experience, giving them a choice, or making use of a time out area, are all tips and tricks you can use when parenting a toddler. From my experience I have found that just doing these simple things, can help you keep your sanity while going through the terrible twos.http://pediatrics.about.com/od/toddlers/a/05_terrble_twos.htmhttp://family.go.com/parentpedia/toddler/behavior/toddler-terrible-twos/