Parenting a Tween-Ager: Frustrating on Many Levels
For background's sake, my friend has two girls and I have one son. So right off the bat, two is double the trouble and girls mature faster than boys. Even so, I took her warnings seriously. I scoured the public library and the internet for parenting advice specific to the tween-age group. The results were disappointingly inadequate. I asked the pediatrician and the school teachers who, surprisingly, had no suggestions. I was flabbergasted!
I had relied heavily on written material concerning parenting when my son was an infant and toddler. I read up on everything from sleeping through the night and potty training to sportsmanship and consequences. Being an information junkie (and somewhat of a geek) by nature, I would reference several sources and then evaluate to see which would work best in our situation. I always assumed I could do the same when the tween-age problems arose. Boy, was I wrong!
The gist of the limited information seems to be "Wait it out. They're likely to grow in to normal adults." Am I supposed to take that seriously? Wait out the snotty, moody, disrespectful attitudes? Those are unacceptable in our house and the reason why I'm seeking advice in the first place. Wait out being ignored unless he wants something? No thank you, I don't intend to raise a self-serving, materialistic ingrate. The assurance that he will "probably" grow in to a pleasant and productive adult is of little comfort.
So you see, on one hand I'm dealing with a sweet little boy who is quickly turning into a not-so-sweet tween-ager, which is frustrating in and of itself. On the other hand, I'm looking for guidance and advice, not a magic cure, but some steps toward a positive change to bring that side of him out again. Not being able to find helpful information is another source of frustration.
I do know one thing: despite the frustration, I won't give up.
Published by Kay Whittenhauer
Kay Whittenhauer resides in Rochester, NY with her husband, Lance; their teenage son, Nick; and a mutt named Lucky. She has earned Top 1,000 Badges at Associated Content in 2008, 2009, and 2010. In addit... View profile
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8 Comments
Post a CommentI hope you've been taking notes. Sounds like you've got a book brewing on this topic.
Great article! Three of ours are at that age. However, they're generally well-behaved. Once in a while they get peeved about something, but it's not too bad...yet. One is 8 1/2 (girl) and the other two are ten (girl and boy). The oldest is almost 15 and I have to say that I don't think she ever got to the attitude stage. On the other hand, the 4 year old seems to have a snippy way of getting what she wants from the other 5 sometimes. LOL The 3 year old? He's the angel...for now. ;-)
They do transform into humans . . .
I remember those tween-age years well. But, remember you are the mom, get Dad to back you. Mine didn't back me. So it was tough at times. But, they are almost 34 and 32 now. And still alive. As they say I brought you into this world I can take you out. Love that phrase, they just look at you with this mysterious look. Just take a deep breath, and if you have to go outside and walk around the house to stay calm do so. It will all work it's self out.
You have my sympathies, Kay. I would still enforce your house rules though. Just because children change overnight into rude, disrespectful children is no reason to just "wait it out". That's awful advice!
Sophie
Once again, I'm in those shoes. I have a nine and an eleven year old. CRAZY!
check out the book '10 days to a less defiant child'
Great article! I have 19 year old twin daughters, and I was lucky, because the tween-age years weren't so bad for me. But, my sister is having some problems right now with one of her tweens, so I know exactly what you are talking about.