Parenting Young Children When You Have Ulcerative Colitis: Prepare for a Major Challenge

As the parent of a young child when you have ulcerative colitis, you have an incredible challenge. You must see the child gets normal nurturing. You must monitor your needs along with theirs. You often have to comfort them if you have a major flare because they may get very scared at a time when you can barely function.. Ulcerative colitis can occur at all hours of the night many times; pain maintains no schedule. You have to deal with doctor visits and they are often numerous. You have to work whether in or outside the home; you still have to make money.

To me however, there are four aspects that overshadow all others. If you have children, they cannot be neglected either by time or attention. You have to keep a viable relationship with your spouse if you have one. You have to somehow keep the ulcerative colitis from "taking over the family" and, finally, you have to keep your self-esteem reasonably in tact not to mention your illness under control.

You don't have to be a genius to know that an average person can't do all that. You can only do the best you can.

I can only share what my wife and I did. We were somewhat lucky because my wife did not work outside the home. However, there are many, many two-income families not to mention single-parent families and their situations are even tougher.

I will humbly share some things my wife and I employed to try and make it.

Make a monthly and weekly schedule in at least a skeletal way. There are no ways to prevent all emergencies but if you have the mundane planned for you see immediately where you have available time.

If you have multiple children, start a program of doing something once a week or every two weeks one-on-one with each child. It assures that you are in touch with them if you get a major long-term flare. Make sure people in the family understand your illness.

Start a chart and measure each day to see how you feel to see if you can determine any pattern. This sometimes helps prevent a flare, or, warn that one is coming.

If you are married, schedule time as a couple; this renews your energy; it keeps you close and when you go out don't talk about the illness...you need a break. Spouses can easily feel neglected; they need to be reassured and, remember, they can get scared when you have a flare!

I talked to my boss about my situation. He was willing and able to schedule me on "off hours" when necessary. If a major problem came up, I could keep up with my work but still not inconvenience the family.

I have several final points. Remember, none of us were born as natural parents let alone parenting as an ill person; information is power. Study the illness of ulcerative colitis so you know what to expect when there is a flare or a "bad day". More importantly learn all the things to do to minimize the chances of getting a flare. One of the major aspects of your responsibilities is to create your own personal schedule of disease hygiene to prevent a flare.

Educate anyone remotely related to your life about your illness. Teachers of your children are good examples. Educate your children in a way that they can understand for two reasons. So they don't fear it and because young children love to help; they'll be big supporters for you!

So how do you juggle work and ulcerative colitis in the family; you go to war.

Create a weekly schedule that shows supermarket days, transportation needs; church, known social requirements such as watching a child's ballgame; any social plans, banking, doctors' visits and medication refills. Schedule the time requirements for housework and for the work hours outside the home. Finally and most importantly schedule time with children and spouse; you want to minimize this disease's presence in your household.

Probably the biggest problem my wife and I had juggling home and work management requirements was letting my condition worry us and impact our "free time". Once we came to accept that we had no control over "surprises" we just naturally relaxed and became more effective at our other non-medical tasks.

Make no mistake about it; ulcerative colitis is an emotional and physical challenge and will take your very best efforts.

You know though, besides our trust in God what helped us the most? We ditched our pride. We didn't whine and complain to people but neither did we pretend we didn't have a major problem. Since we took that attitude sometimes we would get an offer for someone to take the kids on an outing or maybe come over and watch them while we went out for a meal. I can't begin to tell you the number of people who wanted and did help just because they were aware of my illness. That helped greatly with time management.

Actually though, my dear friend, if you have ulcerative colitis, while many of the things I have mentioned will make your life easier; it will be even better if you will remember this: "Accept the fact you will have a little anxiety everyday, but, just keep working". You will make it!