Parents Dealing with Parents

Unfortunately parenting doesn't come with an instruction manual. For most people parenting is something picked up on the fly. Parents try different methods and hope for positive results.

I don't pretend to have all the parenting answers, far from it. Everyone has different parenting styles and I believe parents try their best to produce good people. I don't make any judgments on parenting skills. I do, however feel there are some basic rules parents should follow when dealing with other parents.

My 2 boys have reached the ages of 5 and 6. More and more they are spending time at friends houses and inviting kids over to our house. This is great and has made parenting even more fun. In fact when my kid's friends are over, my wife and me hardly have to do anything. The kids entertain themselves; we simply make sure they don't kill themselves or each other.

Having other children over is the fun part; the sticky part comes when dealing with the other children's parents. Since kids make friends so easily, sometimes the parents of the friends are not people you would normally get to know. This can be good and bad. It can expose you to more people and experiences, which may enrich your life. However, it can also expose you to people that seem inconsiderate.

It is probably not the intent of the parents to be inconsiderate; they simply may not know any better. If parents follow some simple rules many unsavory situations can be avoided.

1.
Don't send your kid to someone else's house when it's getting close to mealtime. This usually happens around lunch. As a parent I try to feed my children lunch around 12 or 1pm. If little Johnny from across the street comes over at 11:45, I feel obligated to feed the kid lunch. After all I'm not going to send him home, and I'm not going to make him watch my kids eat while his stomach growls. Suddenly I'm in charge of feeding 3 kids rather than 2. Not only is it a monetary strain it's a hassle. If my kids want to go to a friend's house around a mealtime, I tell them to call me before getting fed. I do this so I can touch bases with the other parent, thank them, and make sure they understand that I will do the same for their child some day. This small gesture goes a long way to smoothing any ruffled feathers.

2.
If you drop your child off at someone's house leave the responsible parent with some way of contacting you. A phone number is obviously the best. This is common sense, if there's an emergency the parent needs to be contacted ASAP.

3.
When you leave a child with someone, ask when you should return to pick him or her up. Don't be late. I have a friend that was watching a little girl who was over for a play date with his girls. She was dropped off at noon. The parents didn't return until 8PM. My friend had fed everyone and was wondering if he should get the little girl ready for bed when they finally returned. Not one word of apology or explanation was given. This is an extreme case, but it happened.

4.
When your child is invited over to a friend's house, you should reciprocate at some point. This is particularly important when you're talking about a sleep over. It's a lot of extra work to have another child spend the night at your house. It's a great break for the other parents, and because of that, the favor should be returned.

5.
When you pick up your child from someone's house, make sure they've picked up any messes they've made. This will go a long way towards being invited back. Normally when a parent asks this of their child, I'll walk through the house with them and help with any cleanup. This simple gesture is more symbolic than anything else. The messes are going to happen, it's part of having kids. The cleanup doesn't need to be extensive, just enough to make a dent.

Following these simple tips will help avoid any unpleasantness with other parents. Kids are hard enough to get to behave; having to deal with inconsiderate parents is too much to ask. Be a good parent to your kids and to your fellow parents. After all were all in this together.