Parents Need to Instill Conscience in Children

Every day the news is reporting more and more people killing other people, hurting children, performing acts of violence that shock and amaze us. It's not confined to any ethnicity or socio-economic group. Nor does it reflect a lack of education or religious belief. Though the times are tough, these extreme and bizarre acts are not being committed by those in financial crisis. Many people will say there are too many guns and they are too easy to buy. And a lack of education doesn't seem to be the source either. Today, death by video game is common. Is that transposing itself into our realities? These are questions asked over and over again as social scientists seeks the answer to our apparent increase in violent crime.

But there is one word you don't hear much of any more - conscience. Conscience is a feeling inside of us that stops us from doing things we know are wrong. It is control that comes along with ones personal sense of ethics and values and morals. It's not that human beings cannot get so angry that they want to kill, it's that with a conscience they just couldn't bring themselves to do such a thing. That is because humans are able to know the difference between right and wrong and it should matter to them that they do the right thing. Actually, the ability to think and reason along with having a conscience sets humans apart from animals. So, why don't people seem to have a conscience anymore?

Freud called conscience the Superego and felt it developed when a child was around 5 years old. That meant that people are not born with a conscience - they acquire it as they age. And the way they acquire it is by being taught right from wrong by their parents and other adults in their lives. Children learn from every move and word and experience they observe. Strong parental role models are essential for children to learn right from wrong. Parents without a conscience will have a hard time raising a child with one. And with each generation the existence of a conscience seems to fade further and further away. Many parents tell their children to do the honest and morally correct thing and then do not practice what they preach. The observed actions of parents sends a far greater message to their children then their words ever can. Telling children what they should and shouldn't do must begin when they are preschool. Children want to please their parents. Letting them know that you are NOT proud of them when they misbehave, that their behavior is NOT acceptable to them, that you expect more of them, is essential to creating a conscience. Making excuses and blaming others for your child's behavior sends the message that it's ok to be less then honest, that slanting the truth is acceptable, that you will accept less then the best. Years ago when a parent sternly looked down at their child and said "I'm very disappointed in you" the child would become hysterical. Disappointing your parent was terrible. That seems to no longer exist. Parents don't want to say that. Hitting a child when they misbehave without telling them how you feel about the behavior sends a message of violence - it does not give the child an understanding that they have not met your basic standards of how you expect them to conduct themselves.

For some, mental illness may be a reason for their violent behavior. But that is really quit rare. Even schizophrenia does not include violent behavior in its expectable symptoms.

Next time you and your child are watching the news and a murder is the subject, ask them how they feel about it. Ask them if they feel they could do such a thing. And if they say they couldn't ask them why. If the answer is "because I don't want to go to jail" then your child is showing a lack of conscience. If the answer is "because its wrong and I could never kill someone" them you've built it in. Keep going, you are on the right track!