Parents Are Using the Silent Treatment to Discipline Their Children
The silent treatment often begins when a parent is disheartened. The child isn't behaving as a parent wishes. It may be connected to their education. The child lacks parental educational standards. The cause may stem from a parent selected sport activity. The child won't participate as the parent demands. The parent is crushed. The parent may want the child to follow in their footsteps. A parent may feel total shame or embarrassment by a child's behavior. When a parent experiences hurt or shame that is devastating- they turn off. The silent treatment begins.
The parent ends the emotional attachment to the child. It is harsh. No words are exchanged. Not even a glance. Many parents may fume for an hour or so, a day at most. This is the norm. Your upset at the child's action or lack of attention to important daily requirements. At the point of calm, talking renews expectations. Another chance to do better is granted to the child. Life moves forward, unlikey for the parent who chooses to instill the silent treatment. The silent treatment isn't a rare happening. The silence can last for years and years, steam rolling into a lifetime.
This form of the silent treatment is extreme. It is a deliberate act enforced by the parent. It is thrust upon the child to teach him that conforming to the parents demand isn't an option. The parent shuts down all concern, interest, and support of the child. No matter their accomplishments or failures. The parent won't do anything for the child-as they once did. They forgo all activities involving the child. The parent ignores the child to the max. The parent won't hear a word from the child's mouth. Acknowledge that the child exists. The parent removes them self from the child's life, 100 percent.
The silent treatment means the parent won't attend school meetings for the child. The parent won't drive the child to activities. The child isn't allowed to have friends over to the parental home. The child is left to fend for himself. Must prepare his own meals, do their own laundry, figure everything out on their own. The parent won't see the child as a person. The silent treatment advances to complete cutoff of any want or need by the child. All because the child had a plan of his own.
The child feels small, unloved, uncomfortable at home. The silent treatment is damaging to their self-esteem, self-worth. The child is trapped. The child can't move out of the parent home-to young to self support. He must stay and endure the pain. No matter his accomplishments, the parent pretends not to notice. Not to care. Never a word spoken. Never. The child may graduate from studies and the parent won't be there. The silent treatment destroys families. One parent may enact the silent treatment and the other parent follows suit. To keep the peace in the marriage. The child is distraught, endlessly. Damage that remains with the child throughout his lifetime. The silent treatment is cruel.
Many students go off to college with unsupported parental concern. The separation from family life is a blessing. It's an escape route from a silent home life. They struggle to concentrate as the truth of silence rings true. They carry it with them-no matter their path. Always wondering if the choices they make are the best ones. They have no one to bounce them off of. They have parents who grew silent a long time ago.
Published by RaddWrites
Mother of one son. Working in retail for over 30 years. Artist in wide variety of medium. Extreme gardening is my passion. Writing is my outlet. View profile
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- It is a deliberate act enforced by the parent.
- The child feels worthless, unloved..
- NEVER a word spoken - NEVER -
19 Comments
Post a CommentMy mom is giving me a cold shoulder for something (bad) that i did. I do feel regret but when she stop caring about me, i thought to myself that she was so very wrong to think that it would work. I had intended to apologize to her by words and actions, but then I thought if she ignores me, then why bother. I kept telling myself that I was not in any way affected, but when I read those stories of yours, I realizing just how bad i am feeling right now. However, there's practically nothing I can do. If she realize that I do feel sorry and change, she will stop ignoring me, but if not, well, I'd better get used to it.
My mom is giving me the silent treatment now because I did not call her on Thanksgiving day. Doesn't matter that I've faithfully called her every Sunday for the last 20+ years. Really, she's mostly mad at my sister (they haven't spoken in years) and is taking it out on me because I won't "report" to her on what my sister and niece are doing. I read a web article for parents on how to respond when their child tries to use the silent treatment on them. I liked a couple of the steps: 1. Don't take it personally. (Easier said than done, but extremely helpful if you can do it.) 2. Reach out only once. So, I've already made the mistake of calling a couple times. But because she is elderly (in her 80s) and living alone, I'm going to call Saturday morning and if she doesn't pick up the phone, leave a message (even though she's not talking, her ears are still working). I'm going to apologize for not calling her on the holiday (maybe
My mother stopped talking to me when I was a small child. She did all the horrible things mentioned. I was not allowed to bring a lunch to school, I was not allowed to eat with the family. I resorted to "stealing" food from the kitchen after she went to bed. I had one pair of pajamas and one set of clothes and wore one while I washed the other. I was beaten when I did my laundry because I didn't wash a full load. I am almost 50 now and still am getting the silent treatment. When I have to see her at family functions now she won't even look at me. I sure she has someone else to help her as she ages because I just don't care what happens to the shrew.
Wow, there needs to be more research and discussion about this. My mother stopped speaking to me when I was 11 years old for some minor miscommunication and did not speak to me again until I was 19 just to tell me that my grandfather had died. I too had to fend for myself and got a job at 14, forged all parental signatures, etc. I graduated as valedictorian of my class, but still my mother would not acknowledge me. When I was 22 she became a "born again" Christian and called me up to tell me that she had "forgiven" me for whatever it was I had done at the age of 11. Our relationship remains strained at best and I still struggle with feelings of insecurity and a general sense of shame and guilt that never seems to go away. I don't know of anyone else who can relate to this sort of thing and when I search online, it's rare to find discussions of this sort of abuse, especially by mothers.
My parents always used silent treatment and ignoring in order to control me as a child to the way the wanted. This has basically made me grow up in to an adult who is needy and with severe low self-esteem, I also have rejection issues.
Is this abuse, well let's put it this way, according to Amnesty International "Solitary confinement is banned under Common Article Three of the Geneva Conventions as it amounts to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment".
So if it's banned in a military setting (but killing isn't) that gives you some idea about it's brutality. It is weird that it is illegal in war and yet legal in parenting don't you think!?
My dad is giving me the silent treatment right now... rat bastard. It makes me so, so, so, sad... that he thinks it affects me... rat bastard.
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I am 21 and my Dad has done this to me many times, he started doing it again to me and hasnt stopped. He is still ignoring me. On top of that he also has my sisters giving me the silent treatment, the only person who i feel that cares is my Mom. This form of "discipline" is really messed up, its definitely no good.
I am a female, and a published author and artist.
Both of my parents died 6 months apart and my best friend committed suicide, all near the holidays. There is still an emotional vacuum I have after 10 years, even though there are many good things in my current life, in some ways, better than before.
I was close to my mother (an only), and after I moved out (later in life than the norm), it finally stopped. The last 10 years were great; I was firm that I would not tolerate it; I bought a house and could stand on my own two feet. She respected that I meant it. She didn't want to lose me, so she cared enough to stop. I knew they both loved me, but the hurt, the scars are there, and life is filtered though it. I have major trust issues. I am also an Aspie, have never married, nor had kids. I don't miss that. But even if a nice, perfect, equally-focused-on-projects Aspie male would come into my life, I would still be wondering when he going to do it; I does linger overhead, like a shadow.
My husband has been doing this to my son for years %28his step son%29. Barely even looks at him. It is destroying our marriage and causes anxiety in our household daily. He is a terrific husband but I can%27t stand being a witness to this%0D%0Aanymore. I have given him copies of articles before but he will not acknowlege. My son is 22 and still lives at home. Some say to stand by your man but how can you do this%3F