Parents That Vent to Children About the Other Parent

There are many instances where a one part of a marital couple feels the need to vent and not bottle up negative feelings and emotions that may be weighting them down with respect to their partner. However, when the marital couple is also parents, they should never draw their children into their uncomfortable and frustrating matters of the heart and mind by venting to the child about the other parent.

When a parent chooses to vent and discuss marital issues or circumstances with a child of that marriage, it often places the child in the center of a tug-of-war rope, and it may compromise the relationship bonds that the child has with both parents. The child may feel they need to take sides or they may feel overwhelmed and burdened by carrying the negative weight of their parent's problems. Either way, it is not a healthy position to place a child into.

Just because the parent is having problems with the other parent in the relationship does not mean that the other parent is any less of a parent to the child, and therefore, the child should never be made to feel guilty so that they do take one parent's side over the other. This is a common mistake that is often made when marital relationships breakdown and the couple chooses to separate. The one parent that feels they have been wronged the most may feel inclined to burden their child by venting about the marital situations that led to the breakdown and separation. It is almost like the parent wants and needs their child to validate their position, and in the process they do not realize how harmful this can be to the psychological development of their child.

It cannot be stressed enough that children learn to behave through the actions and behaviors of their parents. They learn to form their own foundation for relationships they will eventually embark on from the example displayed to them by their parent's relationship. So, if the venting is done to the child, the child may absorb the parent's insecurities and irrational views that are propelling the venting moment. In other words, the venting parent is conditioning their child.

There is also a big difference between venting to a child and being open with a child. Venting often includes putting down a person or a situation and bringing great attention to all the negative attributes of a circumstance that has unfolded. It is unfair to pit a child against their parent by dragging them into the mudslinging. Now, if a marriage is hitting a rough patch it is okay to age appropriately explain that there is a bit of tension in the relationship, but always reassure the child that it is not their problem and that you and the other parent will try to be respectful of the child and not draw them into the middle.

A parent that needs to vent about another parent should do so with a friend or, better yet, a marital counselor that can help mediate the situation without out infusing bias. Most often, the main reason a parent will choose to vent to a child is because they are looking for the child to take a side, which is wrong and unhealthy. In this day and age when there are so many dysfunctional relationships, it is important to keep in mind that it is the children that witness the dysfunction or that are drawn into the dysfunction that are destined to repeat the dysfunction when they are adults. A major part of parenting is instilling the skills and know-how into a child to help them grow into well adjusted adults, keeping that in mind may help a parent refrain from venting to the child about the other parent.