Paris Hilton Earns Street Cred
Now that Paris Hilton has jail time on her list of accomplishments, it is up to her publicist and other handlers to turn this experience into something lucrative - like another album. Instead of "Stars Are Blind", it can be called "Justice is Blind".
I can see the video now: black and white, Paris in Versace daisy dukes with a crystal encrusted bandana behind bars. L'il Kim is her cellmate, 50cent is the blinged-out guard and Timbaland comes to break her out of jail with a blow torch attached to an Escalade outfitted with 24" dubs.
"That's hot."
She can pen deep, introspective lyrics from her cell like her hip-hop predecessors Slick Rick, TI, and others. She's reading the Good Book, not gawking at herself in the looking glass, abandoning flashy, trashy smut reporters in favor of "respectables" like Barbara Walters. This can only mean one thing - dope rhymes are afoot!
She's even promised not to grow up and be like Anna Nicole Smith.
Yippee kiyay!
She's been working out in the yard, getting ripped and toned. She can bench about 8 pounds right now. Rumors abound that she almost shanked some girl in the yard because the girl didn't give her "props" for her reality-based series "The Simple Life". That girl was totally sleeping on Parisian skills.
She definitely got some props now that OJ Simpson has added his 32 cents about her media coverage and some nonsense about the shuttle going into space, or something like that. I think he's jealous that he hasn't come out with an album yet, and his book idea has been shafted. Be cool, Juice. Its your own fault you didn't do time in the pen. You shouldn't have hired Johnny Cochran and the Justice League to defend you. Had you saved some money and went along with a court appointed attorney, you would most definitely be locked up right now, probably on your 3rd album too. Now you're digging for spare change and watching world news while the rest of mankind is focused on the frivolity which is 'all things Paris Hilton' - all day and all night long. She's even transcended "real" news sources like CNN and MSNBC. But I digress, again.
Missy Elliott has reportedly received some rhymes from Hilton and laid them over some tracks. The yet to be titled album is forthcoming. I can hardly wait.
http://www.tmz.com/2007/06/11/timbaland-arrested-in-german-bar-brawl/.com
Published by Antigone
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