Part 1: Birth

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy and welcome to life as a parent!

Compiled within these pages are instructions on the care and use of your new addition. Please follow these instructions carefully, as they have been designed by experts in the scientific community. It may be tempting to follow your instincts, emotions, or common sense. Any good parent will tell you those are mistakes. Any deviation from these instructions will result in a child that is different from the others, and all the other parents will know it is because you are not raising your new addition like everyone else. Your new addition will suffer and fail to grow into a properly functioning Unit in society.

Birth Arrangements
Your new addition will be born in a hospital. As soon as your contractions begin, you should hurry to the hospital to insure a safe delivery. Subversive "free thinkers" may tell you there are other options, but even letting them speak near a pregnant woman is a danger to her unborn child. Birthing centers, home births, and other "options" will undoubtedly lead to the death of your new addition. Women that claim to have successful, peaceful births resulting in healthy new additions by these means are lying. Without the toxic chemicals used in hospital birthing rooms, harmful bacteria and viruses will attack your new addition as it is born. Survival is inconceivable.

Additionally, you must obey your doctor unfailingly. Your doctor went through years of school to aid you in your birth. Before society began training doctors, birth almost always resulted in the death or mutation of both mother and child. Without the instruction of your doctor, you would never understand your complicated role in birth. There is a good chance you would never figure out how to get the new addition out of your body. You would almost certainly damage your body or the new addition in the attempt. Always obey your doctor.

Birth Process
The easiest birth is by cesarean. You should schedule a cesarean as soon as your doctor will allow. A cesarean birth is painless and simple. Your doctor will put you to sleep for the whole process. The new addition will be removed from your body while you sleep. It will be clean, happy, and fed when you awake. This is also the best birth for the new addition. It is gentle and poses no risk to the new addition. To reduce the likelihood you will go into labor before you can have the new addition removed, do not put it off. There is no problem an early birth can cause that modern science cannot overcome. Schedule the removal for the earliest date your doctor allows.

If circumstances force you into a "natural" birth, there is significant risk. Nature is dangerous and to be avoided, but it can usually be overcome by modern science. Make sure to request an epidural as early in the labor process as possible. An epidural will make the birth much more calm for you and the new addition. It reduces your pain. It lowers your heart rate, relaxing you. It even lowers the new addition's heart rate, making it calm and relaxed. If you're lucky, your doctor may even be able to perform an "emergency" cesarean for you. Even if it is caused by a real emergency, it will be worthwhile.