Part 1. Raising Children with A.D.H.D

A million years ago, I would lie out in my front yard looking up at the stars and dreaming of how life would be when I grew up. Those dreams usually consisted of a wonderfully attentive husband. Someone who would bring me bouquets of roses in the afternoons and serve me scrumptious breakfasts in bed every morning. Which we would devour together. While leisurely reading the morning paper, cuddled up under the covers. Before the rest of the world insisted on intruding upon our perfect life. Yes, I know now. Men like that really don't exist. or at least if they do, neither I nor the average american woman have every met one. My perfect husband and I would live in A beautiful little country style house with 4 bedrooms, a hot tub and a swimming pool. Where on most sunny afternoons, you could find prince charming, Myself and our 3 wonderfully behaved, beautifully groomed children lying out by the pool and grilling burgers for the afternoons dinner. Our perfect family enjoying a perfect afternoon.

So what happened? As the dreams fade and the harsh realities of life intrude. I find myself at this point in my life.39 years old, married for the past 23 years to a man i love with all my heart. My childhood sweetheart, my first love. I wont mention the fact we've been separated 6 times in the past year and a half. That's a story for another day. My not so perfect family lives in a not so perfect house. That yes, I love. But cant nearly afford. We do have the hot tub I always dreamed of, although it hasn't worked in over 2 years. Our numerous cats have made it into there favorite sunning place. The swimming pool that we use on our perfect family afternoons is a 5 foot above ground. That to be honest, the frogs get more use out of than we do. So Here I am, working a dead end 150 dollar a week job that's taking me no where except a little closer to bankruptcy. And of course, lets not forget the best part. Instead of 3 kids, the lord seen fit to bless me with 5. And yes,I did say 5. 4 of whom have numerous mental disabilities. Which unfortunately,ive come to realize are the most challenging obstacles ive ever faced. I delivered my first son randy after barely turning 17. Yes, as I'm sure you realized when I gave away my age, it was one of those unplanned epidemic teenage pregnanacies. Barely more than a baby myself. I definitely wasn't ready to be anybodys mom. The biggest obstacle I had been forced to overcome thus far,was getting my first crush to ask me out. The same one who eventually became my prince charming.{ Now here we were about to be someones parents} never the less, my teenage stupidity and inmaturity had blessed my life with this incredible little person, Who, I didn't realize at the time. Was going to depend on me for his every need, at least for the next 23 years. And I had absolutely no idea where to begin. All I knew with a certainty was that I found myself head over heels, irrevocably in love with him.

In the beginning, I think I must have been to busy changing diapers every 2 minutes, {when I could afford to buy them} and trying to catch just a few minutes of much needed zzzzz's between the endless bouts of incessant crying, to open my eyes to the fact that my baby just might be a little different than others his age. At 2 he was in my mind, a perfectly normal, albeit very VERY active 2 year old toddler who kept me constantly on my toes and hopelessly exhausted by the end of the day. Sometimes I thought, if I could only take just a tiny drop of his endless energy and bottle it. Just enough to get me through to the end of the day. By the time he was 3 and a half I felt as if life had put at least, an additional 10 years on my nerves and body, lets not forget my face. I felt as if actually being someones mother was supposed to be the highlight of my life. An amazing time of discovery and joy. So why did I feel as if I was living out a daily jail sentence and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't escape it. Of course by this time I had also added 2 more kids to the mix. We were fast becoming known as the frady bunch. One day my aunt just happened to be visiting. Which was unusual just because my home was so crazy with 3 hyperactive toddlers running around everywhere. Family tended to gravitate away, avoiding us like the plague. But on this rare occurance, my moms sister just happened to mention how strange it was that my son had'nt been potty trained by age 3. His speech wasn't even good enough to be understood by the casual observer. Its funny but, being mom. I never took notice of the differences between my son and other children his age. The doctors never mentioned anything being wrong with him. Just that he may be a little behind others, But not to worry. Eventually he would catch up. My 1 year old was also being seen by a pediatric bone doctor. He wasn't sitting up by this time so they were worried he may have some trouble with his spinne. After the casual observation of my aunt . I began to more closely observe the differences between my kids and there peers. Noticing exactly how far behind they were, Compared to other children there age. Feeling like such a horrible mother, mainly because it took me so long to take notice of something being wrong. But in my defense. As a mother, my children were perfect. Yes, they were very over active and put me through the ringer at times. Drove me total bonkers at others. Sometimes, I felt as if I couldn't make it through to the end of the day. There constant energetic actions, draining my life force from me. But wasn't it natural for mothers to feel overwhelmed?.

Needless to say, an endless search for answers was launched by the casual observations of my ever observant aunt. thus began our constant trips to one specialist after another. The relentless testing and even passing the blame onto our poor inexperienced parenting skills. which layed foundation for the overwhelming guilt and anguish I felt at knowing there was something wrong with my children. but not being able to do anything about it. Not knowing where to go or who to seek for answers. When my son was 6 and struggling daily in the 1^st grade. His academic perfomance being so far behind his peers I feared he would never catch up. Only functioning on a 2 year old level I was terrified for him. Wondering why, what was I doing or not doing that was causing this in my childs life? As his mother I was weighed down in so much guilt and anguish. I had absolutely no idea what to do for him. Where to go for help. His struggles in school were getting so much worse. I felt trapped. Life with my a.d.h.d 6 year old child was a daily battle i wasnt really sure i would survive.