Past Poetry

No one truly knows why it exists or where it comes from. It is our only instinct of natural behavior. It pierces the heart, it cuts deep like a sword. Some of us hide it and some of us show it well. Many have this super force of nature so mixed up now that they do not know how it should work anymore.

It is an emotion. A common balance that we share with one another. To express ourselves when we feel and touch. A smile of happiness, tears of sorrow, red with rage, stiffness with anger, blank glances of depression, and singing with joy. As much as one tries to hide their emotions, they could never control the gift.

Yes, it is our right to call it a gift. More precious than love itself. I've not known a person who had no emotion. They might not have shown love or happiness but they could show rage and anger. To control such a gift would be by the very hands that created us. For we all know that we can not be God.

In Silence

The smell of fresh cut fields in autumn. The large wild and crazy crowds that swarmed around the benches. Almost like a carnival but focused on one thing. They cheered, they yelled, and my heart raced with joy.

The feeling of freedom during those chilled evenings. Holding your hand when I had the chance. We were shy and innocent. I followed you through most of what I could. You held me at high favor in your brown eyes. Our courage stood strong when those around us tried to break us.

Our moments were spent in sweet silence. We somehow fit together like diamonds and garnets on a gold necklace. Embraced with the dark red of love and covered by the sparkle of white. Hanging on to one anothers friendship till the end.

You were there for me as much as you could be. I held you in high favor through a smile. We were shy and ever so innocent then. Our friendship will never be forgotten. We still stand strong.

Hills Of Gold

A tall drink of water.
A levi type of man.
I wish your book was open.
I can't seem to get in.
I know your mystery.
I know why you are shy.
I did my history.
I found a lullaby.
Your feelings show through you.
Why do you hide?
I want to get to know you.
Don't you want to try?
You come around then you disappear.
You arouse my senses but fall away.
I seen you at work and I've seen you at play.
But I can't get enough if you run away.
It is your religon, I read it before.
Death it was, knocked closely at your door.
It smiled, it shamed and took someone close.
You mourned with your siblings and your mother.
You don't like club girls and you don't dance.
Your religon has you in a trance since death was around.
You are my lullaby.
My tall drink of water.

The Bounderies

As a little girl in elementry school I was made fun of and picked on. I was unevitably the odd one out. Popular was not in my lingo and I had not a clue what drugs and violence was. I can remember crying for a kid in my class because his father shot himself. I can remember those who had weekends with their other parent. I can remember the others with parents who forgot about them.

As a little girl I had a big heart for the hurt but I dared not to cross the lines from the poor to the rich. For I was poor and I was odd. If I could, I would have been the shoulder for many in need. I wanted to shine for them when they needed light from their darkness. This is a dark and dreary world in which we live.

I pray that our children will be humble. That we raise them with no boundries of rich or poor. For we make our own success and our children walk behind us with pride. May we not forget about those who suffered greatly. As a little girl I was in pain just like the rest of you only I was made fun of and picked on because you allowed it to happen.

I forgive you, all of you.

Chore

Picking up your shoes, your socks, your pants.
Cleaning up the kitchen, the full ashtrays, the romance.
Emptying the bottles, the glasses, the heart.
Why did I get involved from the start?
Finding the pills, the drugs, the letter.
Shame on me for not knowing better.
Cooking you dinner, a pie, a plan.
Getting out as fast as I can.
Promises never filled.
You are a mess.
I left you.
I'm glad.
bye!

Disappearance Trick

I do not know where you are. Or how you live life now. I sometimes run into your friends and they ask me about you. My emotions stir for you like a gentle summer breeze. I see your face in a glimpse of a stranger and I hear your voice in a loud raging crowd. I see your old brown toyota drive by on the street. But you are no where to be found.

Where did you go? Or are you running again? All the things of life cought up with you again? Could I say I miss you? Or will your fling be upset? I should know better, you aren't married yet. How do I know this? Why would you care? You didn't marry me and you weren't there. Tis okay, I understand because when you were in need, I didn't hold your hand.

Can I apoligize and make amends with you? You were my best friend and I was fasinated with you. Driving fast and being chased. Hanging out in the most worst of places. Young and bold, so soft to hold. Kisses of blood as I lick your hand. Your friend so drunk can't see or stand. Up high and afriad, but you were always there to make things okay. I was your Miss Thing and you my Tom Petty. Reading my mind when I was frisky and ready.

Out of high school and into our own little hole. So why didn't it work out and why did you go? I sincerely miss watching you play hacky sack. Or conversing with you about this and that. Holding your hand while walking through town. Just being your friend when life isn't down. You are gone and I came back. I might as well face it, a fact is a fact. I just wanted to tell you that I miss you much. I hope you read this so keep in touch.

Stop disappearing, you worry me sick. Stop hiding and face the music.

Unexpected (revised)

I stare out the peep hole.
Concluded by his nature.
Dark and sinister, a masterpiece.
I know those lips.
I know those rugged hands.
The voice of a thousand heartaches.
The love, the lust.
The one night stands.
He was blissfully unexpected.

I open the door.
He stands near the shadows.
Arms crossed, a smile, his charm is peaking.
I remember those lips.
I remember those rough rugged hands.
His voice of a thousand heartaches.
The passion, the arousal.
The one night stands.
He was very unexpected indeed.

I close the door.
He gingerly walks away.
Hands in his pockets, head held low, curious of creatures.
My heart pounds violently.
My hands are shaky and damp.
My voice quivers his name.
The flame, the spark.
The one night stands.
He was blissfully unexpected.

Settling For Disaster

You've been friends for 6 years or so. You know the ins and outs of eachothers lives. Somehow accidents make ones heart grow closer. You get to know the other a little better or so you think. You like eachother and each day seems to get longer. The world seems to melt away. It is just the two of you.

You realize you can learn to love your friend who is alone, accident prone, and down and out. You tell your friend you'll marry but you have issues. You tell your friend that they have issues too and together they will get resolved. It seems like love in the beginning.

You settle when your heart is with another, your spirit is with a differant holiness and your mind is fixed on many. The settling was too fast, too soon and there are many obstecles ahead. The hurdles that your friend put into your life just the two of you could settle for one another. It had seemed good at the time.

But, as we all know, what seems good isn't good at all. You may have a ring but where is your heart? What tastes like honey may be poison. You might have had it all planned out but it just wasn't fitting together properly. I am the you and the friend is he that was my settling. It was indeed settling for disaster.

Four Seasons

Indeed I was falling, falling, falling. The deeper we got the more I just wanted to say it. Autumn took its place on campus. The leaves in beautiful hue. All syncranized a song in my soul and it was all for you. You were my untouchable, a fantasy calling my way. At first I was like a fox and you the hunter of prey.

But you cought me and I was captured by your intense saphire eyes. A perfect smile placed on your lips, oh how I could just die. My heart was on fire, my body was a flame. You ignited a desire for a pleasurable sin. I was falling, falling, falling. I just wanted to tell you.

Soon the snowflakes took flight as my heart did. You standing in the campus light, as the snow fell around your blond curly hair. A halo of winter above your head. The sensational kisses, romantic outings, the appearances of public display of affection. A fantasy come to life and I was sure to be spellbound forever.

The warmth of the fire on those cold winter nights. I felt like a queen and you were my barbaric king. Racing eachother down that long windy road. Danger never phased me when I was with you. Entwined in your seducement and every ounce of me had fallen. My tiny wild world was forever raptured in your ravishings.

Flowers and raindrops down came spring. You pillaged my life with thoughts I could not say around you. I was forbidden to speak exactly how I felt. I just wanted to say it. We conceived two souls and didn't even know it. I led down in meadows, wondering what was wrong with me for I was physically changing. I was overwelmed and wanted in, to reach inside of you.

You opened up like a rose but there was no getting closer than I already was. Your thorns showed the stains of another ladies bruise. I could only peek at what you already offered me. Like a butterfly, I fluttered away. Confused and left astrayed, the two souls aborted naturally. If you only would have listened. If you would have only opened up more. I also died that day.

Change has taken me to a whole new level after you. I have not loved another since then. I don't use those words, I love you, to any man. I tried to marry, to settle. But how is a heart at ease with settlement when there is still a spark? Water can not drench the flame you started. No argument can turn the passion away. All the pain of the world can't make my desire for you feel weak.

The summer was the last of what memory I have of us. The heat of the moment, the heat of the sun burning into my mind like it was yesterday. You left me with a smile and a kiss. "I'll talk to you later", and you left. Later has been waiting. I've tried to forget but my mind won't shut up. I still want to say it. I love you.

The Month Of May

Swimming in a pool of green.
So soft so rugged so naturally seen.
Touching the waters, dipping it in.
It calls to my heart it calls of sin.
I hunger I thirst I need more of.
It echoes it ponders it fits like a glove.
I ache I thrash I feel I swim.
Just touching the waters, dipping it in.
It licks it bites it draws out my blood.
Holding my vision like an inavitable flood.
Swimming in a pool of green.
He made me feel like a woman again.

Independance

The morning dew drops on blades of grass dry quickly by the summer sun.
The coffee shop is full of buzz and I have just begun.
To do the most out on my own with nothing true to gain.
Small drifts of seed in sultery air, and freedom to obtain.

Eyes of amber glow behind dark hair, your looks could kill a person.
But soft the spirit and tender the favorable deversion.
My protector, my strong hand when I was weak and low.
My happy thought when things got to an uneven flow.

The spreckles of mist like gems in the morning dry up quickly by the summer sun.
The smells of coffee in the crowded shop with laughter mingling a hum.
To do the most out on my own with you there by my side.
My favorite, my friend, my happy thought, you were bona fide.

The Rain

So tenderly light upon my shoulders. It was the month of September. Oh, the storm would not let up. In the dark, the road was washing away like my vainful sins and crimes against you. I have distroyed you. I have regretted. I have been in pain.

Here this night, no stars will shine. I am being washed with this September rain. Where ever you may be, I will remember your loving face. Your casual embrace. How you ravished me. Nothing, not even this rain can wash away these memories.

I had learned to love without you. I had learned to cope without you. I had learned to put my faith where faith belongs. The rain it calls your name ever so softly. You are but another year older and the sweet autumn rain has come.

Your smile invades my mind. Your scent whisps around me. I know you are not here to share this time. For time has split us apart. I love you and you walked away. I care for you and it did no vay. I banished you and still I hear your name. So today it rains.

Does the crow still fly in the direction of my passing by? Or has that changed to the smallest called a dragonfly? Do you see these often? You were a butterfly to me and the thundering rain. I smell you now in the mist of this September rain.

My beautiful, my lovely. My warrior heroe. Forget the introductions and then you seduced me. You pillaged and fought to catch me. Was I your storm on a calm day? Young at heart and wild like mustangs. I couldn't think of anything better than that.

Now the only thing that reminds us of us is this month in September. It reminds you of your age. It reminds me of the begining. Oh, this rain. Drenched in it like a fallen leaf and washing my sins away. You made me feel immortal. To have you hold me again is the impossible. You truly have become my untouchable, aspecially in this rain.

Run Away

The road was long. The road was silent.
The fields sang a song. The wind in the weeds.
It was hot and I was thirsty. No one there but me.
I did all you wrong. I am ashamed and quiet.
My pain will always be there with me.
Nothing but a backpack. Nothing but a lost soul.
Wandering the country alone.
Confused, in fear, no one there to care.
No home to go to. Not a friend in this world.
The wild sunflowers and nothing else on this lonely road.
Cast out, put to shame, no one there but me.
dropping to my knees.
Tears and sweat mingled the senses.
Needing a friend to call sincere.
Finding courage to keep going as long as someone sees me.
Run away, don't stay don't stay, just keep going on no sleep.
Carry your bible and read.
Lost soul, no fool, I'm definately lost.
But keep going foward anyway.
Someday I will find what it may that traps me.
And so I run away.