Pastor Touts 30-Day Sex Challenge

In our current society it seems to be a well known fact that at least half of all marriages will fail.¹ One man is attempting to change that. Pastor Paul Wirth, of Ybor City's The Relevant Church, issued a challenge to his congregation: All the married couples are to have sex every night for 30 days and the single people would abstain for 30 days. Pastor Wirth explained, "If you look at studies, studies say in 30 days you can develop a habit."² He further explains that he believes people become closer to God through lifelong commitment and that is why he issued his challenge.

Is This Appropriate?

According to his blog, Pastor Wirth says, "What I think is crazy is that when the church decides to talk about sex "God's Idea" the media go bananas and the "Christians" get mad."³ Sex is already mainstream, thanks to movies, TV and the internet. Churches seem to be coming a little late in the game. If the media can put their slant on sex, then it seems that churches should be bold enough to teach God's views. As a lifelong church-goer, I do find some topics, like sex, are taboo in a church setting. However, I do think we need to see more boldness from the pulpit in this area. Our children are growing up in a sex-saturated society with little guidance from their parents or the church. If morals are being taught by the media, we should be very wary. When the topic of sex does comes up in the Christian churches, it usually revolves around what happens after the fact- teen pregnancy, affairs, et cetera.⁴

Though we may, as Christians, wish to see more guidance from the pulpit in this area, I have to wonder if this 30 Sex Challenge is a good idea. Any married couple will tell you that 30 days in a row may not only be exhausting but also not very practical. Looking back over my own almost nine year marriage, I have seen sexual intimacy fluctuate. During the first year of marriage, most couples tend to have sex more frequently. According to Marriage Success Training, "Novelty is a major sexual stimulant."⁵ As the novelty wears off, the frequency declines. Other reasons for less frequent sex were lack of time, children, and health issues. I think a more achievable goal would have been an every other night challenge or a 3 times a week challenge. Issuing a 30 day-in-a-row challenge seems very daunting and I believe couples who miss a night could become frustrated and forget the whole idea.

Will This Help?

The question then remains: will this challenge help these marriages and future marriages? I do not agree that sex, just the act alone, will improve marriages. One of Pastor Wirth's parishioners, Jarret Haas was quoted as saying, "Sex is about more than intercourse and that's what we're trying to tell people."⁶ In a good marriage, sex is not just about the act. It is about connecting with your partner on a level that transcends any other relationship you have with another person. That is why I am still skeptical that a 30 Day Sex Challenge will work. I think less frequency but more meaningful intercourse is what is needed in marriages. Sex as an afterthought will not help much.

As for the single adult challenge- I do think this will be a tremendous help for them, especially with regards to their future marriages. In the Bible, Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."⁷ As a personal note, I was a virgin as I entered my marriage. For me, this was the most liberating experience. I had no sexual baggage to bring into this new relationship nor did I have anyone in my past to "compare" with my husband. We may not have been "experienced" but we learned together and because of that we also grew closer emotionally and spiritually.

¹ http://www.divorceinfo.com/statistics.htm

²http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=8BF8862B8DDB114CFB8C769376B0FD75?contentId=5781468&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1

³http://www.paulwirth.blogspot.com/

⁴http://www.family.org/marriage/SexIntimacy/

⁵http://www.stayhitched.com/sex.htm

⁶http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/myfox/pages/Home/Detail;jsessionid=8BF8862B8DDB114CFB8C769376B0FD75?contentId=5781468&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=TSTY&pageId=1.1.1&sflg=1

⁷http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=65&chapter=13&version=31