Pastor's Office

He plunged into her and they moved with the process. Soon the climax hit them both, as they peaked, and then slid down holding each other's naked bodies. It felt so good for the moment, but soon the reality of the situation hit them, and the regrets soon flooded their spirits.
Tom, the assistant pastor for youth, looked over at Shelly, the church secretary, as he held her in his arms. They still laid close, feeling the thin layer of sweat on each other's form. But as the guilt dug deeper within their souls, as it did each time, they pulled apart and quickly put their clothes on. Thoughts of their significant others poured into their minds. Tom's fiancé had a teaching job two hundred miles away, and Shelly's husband was serving his second tour in Iraq.
After they got dressed, they quickly got the pastor's office back in order. The thought of their boss finding out or even suspecting anything gave them the shudders. Tom opened the blinds to the window, as the senior pastor had left them at the end of the day. Nothing seemed out of place. Quickly, they turned off the light and made their way out of the dark structure. The church facility always seemed like the best place for them to meet as it would look as though they were tending to the work. And sometimes, they did work, though most likely to show that something had been done.
Saying a polite good-bye, they each went their separate ways. Tom got in his shining orange '69 Camaro, the car he had since he was sixteen. On his way to his apartment, he tried to justify in his mind the actions he and Shelly were partaking in, as he always did. They were both lonely and had the urge, they both needed a release from their pressures, they had an attraction to each other, nobody is perfect, and on and on. The excuses and ideas kept coming. He also recalled the conversations that they had prior to making-out. They do fill a void. He just kept rehashing this stuff in his mind over and over hoping to find the click that would make it feel correct and resolved. It never happened.
At the apartment complex, Tom pulled into his parking spot and got out. As he approached his door, he noticed a gift-wrapped package lying on his welcome mat. Reaching down to pick it up, he could easily tell it was a VHS tape. Puzzled at first, he then remembered some of the members in his youth group that were attempting to start a praise band. They had promised him a tape of their initial efforts. He eagerly entered his place, ready to watch the video and escape the spiritual battle being waged within his soul.
After getting a glass of milk, Tom popped the tape in the VCR and sat down on the couch. He couldn't wait to see his youth's creativity. The tape seemed to take forever for the first scene to come up, but when it did, horror struck! Tom quickly got up, spilling his milk. He stood dumbfounded as the pastor's office appeared on the television screen from a view just outside its window. The nightmare sunk in as the scene moved down to show his naked body on top of Shelly's on the floor. In a panic, Tom quickly turned it off. He quickly glanced out his windows, but nothing seemed suspicious or unusual, although the darkness did make it easy to hide. Tom began to wonder how it could have happened, but did remember night awhile back when they forgot to pull the blind. He cursed himself in his thoughts and fears, but then all of the sudden the phone rang loudly, breaking the silence. It almost gave him a coronary. Tom let it ring three times before he built up the courage to answer it.
"Hello," he said into the speaker.
"Tom!" Shelly screamed, "Tom, they know!"
"You got a tape, too, huh?!" Tom asked.
"Yes!" Shelly replied, and then after a long silent pause, "What are we going to do?"
Tom tried to get his senses together. His mind was swirling.
"Tom, I'm scared!" Shelly said, breaking the silence, "I can't stay here alone. I'm scared someone is out there watching."
Tom admitted the same fear, but told Shelly that he would come over.
"If it is out in the open, what is it going to hurt if we stay together tonight," he said, trying to be brave for her.
Fear and uneasiness tortured him as he quickly cleaned his milk spill, turned out his lights, locked the door, and quickly ran to his Camaro, locking the door there once inside. The five minute drive to Shelly's seemed forever. He continuously glanced around and in the mirrors for anything unusual. Though all seemed normal, he couldn't escape the paranoia.
Soon he was pulling into Shelly's driveway, and she turned on the porch light and opened the door for him. Tom wasted little time getting inside, and once in, she quickly turned the light off and locked the door. All the blinds were drawn in the house. She grabbed him and hugged him tight.
"Thanks for coming," she said.
Tom held her and patted her on the back. After some time, he felt as though he was finally getting a grip on his thoughts.
"Anybody else call you or have you seen anything?" he asked her.
"No, nothing," she replied, "This is creepy."
"Yes it is," Tom agreed.
They made their way over to the sofa. As Tom scanned the room, he realized this was his first time in Shelly's house. Pictures of her and her husband filled the walls. One particular image that gripped Tom's attention was one showing Shelly's husband in his battle fatigues with the desert sands in the background. Guilt overwhelmed him again and as Shelly tried to pull herself close to him, he softly prevented them from getting into an embrace.
"I know you are scared and I am scared too," he gently told her, "but maybe this is our wake-up call."
Shelly's face and her nod showed her agreement. So she pulled herself away and they sat apart on the couch. Eventually she got the remote and turned on the television. Their faces stayed glued to the screen, although their minds were elsewhere. They both dreaded how their boss, David, the senior pastor, would react. Surely he had a copy of the video as well. And how many others had a copy?
Drowsiness settled in and they both slept some right where they were at. At the first sign of dawn, they got up, trying to get themselves ready to face whatever wrath would strike them that day.
"Whatever happens, life will go on," Tom said.
"True, but I need this job," Shelly said, almost in tears, "I can't be without a job."
Tom gave her a quick hug and told her she would be fine, yet they both knew that nothing could truly be guaranteed. There would most likely be some consequences somewhere on the path to getting this resolved.
With that, Tom left to return to his apartment and get ready. The sun was quickly adding color to a new day and it looked to be a beautiful one, yet it was hard to him to see it as that. In the past, he was always thanking the Lord for the breathtaking wonders of His creation, yet he wasn't that in tune with it anymore.
After a shower, and some fresh clothes, Tom was back in his Camaro, heading for the church. As he got there, he already saw one disturbing scene. Shelly's car was not there. She always arrived early to begin the day. Had she already been given the axe? Tom fought back tears. He felt for her and her situation. But he knew it was his time to face whatever he was going to have to face, so he slowly got out of the car and went inside. Sure enough, Shelly's desk in the secretary's office was bare. All of her personal stuff was gone. Tom took a deep breath, and went into the pastor's office.
"Good morning," he told David as he entered. David looked up from his desk where he had been intently writing something.
"Good morning, Tom," he replied. There was no use pretending anything as both could see it in each other's eyes.
"Tom, I need to have a talk with you," David said, getting up and walking around his desk and pointing to the sofa, "Have a seat."
Tom did as he was told, and David perched himself on the edge of his desk.
"I know you know what this is about," David began, and Tom nodded, "but I am going to tell you my experience in this ordeal last night. I was at home, sitting in my easy chair watching the ballgame, when the doorbell rang. It ended up being one of our more proud board members, and he had a silly grin on his face. He told me he had something interesting for me to watch. I think he thought he was about to commit a major coup or something. Anyways, he came in and we put the tape in the VCR and needless to say I was quite surprised at what I saw."
Tom lowered his head, feeling the heat of shame. He truly hated disappointing David, and putting the senior pastor through this. After a little pause to observe Tom, David continued.
"The first thing I told this board member was that I was very disappointed," David said, and Tom looked up nodding, "I was disappointed that he would stick a camcorder in my office window."
This perplexed Tom.
"Yes," David continued, reading Tom's reaction, "Had I been in the office, this would have surely broken the pastoral confidentiality of a church member or anyone who had been seeking my counsel. And needless to say, this wasn't the reaction the board member had expected. He tried to defend his actions, saying that pastors had an obligation to be good role models for the members, and I told him that I agreed with him on that, but then I shared with him this story about a pastor that I am going to share with you."
At this, Tom was feeling a little more relaxed and he kept his head up, able to look at David in the eyes again. And with this, David began.
"There was this pastor of a little church not far from here, he was single and the evenings alone in the parsonage were tough on him. So he would frequently return to the church and work in his office in those late hours. Well the work ended up turning to play, as he would go get online and surf the Web. That was fine, had he stopped there, but soon he found pornography sites to be irresistible and he was taking glances every little chance he got. Needless to say, he was focusing more on that, and the qualities of his messages were slipping and before he realized it, God seemed more distant. Well, this clergyman was not really bright either when it came to surfing as he never cleared his history. One day, a church member had to borrow his computer to look up some ministry material on a Web site, and several of those site addresses appeared as this member was attempting to type in the site he wanted. Needless to say the church board found out, and stuff was going to hit the fan for this pastor. Does this ring a bell, Tom?"
"Definitely," Tom replied, still wondering what this was all about.
"Well, Tom, that minister was me," David replied. Tom was shocked at this confession. David always seemed like a solid rock.
"Surprises you doesn't it," David continued, and Tom did nod in agreement, "This happened at my last church, before I came here. The church board was about to kick me out on my rear, and I did deserve it. But there was a teenage girl on the board who represented the youth of the church. She was bold youngster, and she spoke up and asked everyone where it was written that pastors were to be without sin. She reminded them that I was a human being with imperfections as well. She told them I needed a second chance and that they all needed to pray for me, support me, and help me beat this addictive habit. That young lady saved my ministry, and I was very fortunate the people listened to her and accepted her strategy."
David paused a bit to recollect himself and wipe away some developing tears.
"I told that board member that this was my past and I thanked him for allowing me as a sinner to still speak to them on Sunday mornings," David said, "and I asked him to give you that same chance that a teenage girl had encouraged everyone to give me. I do believe he left my house with a changed mindset."
"How many tapes did he make of this?" Tom asked.
"He told me three, one for you, one for Shelly, and one for me," answered David, "Of course, I should say too that I told him I would not file a complaint against him to the board for videotaping outside the window of the pastor's office. Sometimes a little arm twisting helps."
With that, David smiled, and Tom felt relaxed enough to smile back.
"Wow, I don't know what to say," Tom said, "I truly thank you. But I must ask about Shelly. Her desk is empty?"
"Shelly is still employed," David said, "One of our fellow congregations across town was in need of a secretary, and they do pay theirs a little more. So I called that pastor this morning, and told him that Shelly was a superb, but very stressed financially, which she is. That is not a lie. And he was willing to let her start today. He didn't see their board having any problem with him going ahead and hiring her. This gets her in a better situation and it gets you two apart. If you are going to break this cycle, you need to avoid each other for the time being. One of the ways I avoided getting back on those awful sites was to not be around that computer by myself, and I never went to the church alone in the evenings again. That is why I seldom am at the office to this day in the evening. If I am here, it has to be because someone else is here as well. It takes effort to overcome."
Tom was awed at how well it was all working out.
"This is amazing," he said.
"Tom, you must remember we minister for an awesome God," David said, "but I want to share this with you too. For the time that you are down and out, struggling like this, others can suffer too. I must tell you, Tom, I truly feel that my looking up porn may have caused one of my dear friends to end up spending eternity in Hell."
"How?" Tom asked.
"I used to take motorcycle trips across the country with my buddies," David answered, "Some of my friends were saved, and some were not. This particular friend of mine was one I was close too, but I was pretty sure he had not accepted Christ yet in his life, and I kept thinking I needed to talk to him about it. Well, it was during those times, I was spending my evenings here looking up that crap and filth, rather than going out and trying to socialize and fellowship, like I should have been doing. After I got caught, and the board gave me a reprieve and their prayers, they suggested I take a Sunday off and refocus away from the office and the church. This buddy said we ought to take the motorcycle trip to the mountains that we had been dreaming about since I had this time off. I thought it would be great, because I was motivated again to minister all I could, and I figured this would be the time I'd tell him about Jesus Christ, seeing the beauty out there. We started out on that first day and it was about the middle of the afternoon, when my friend caught up too quick to a slow moving truck and had to swerve to avoid hitting it. Well, he and the bike hit the pavement hard. I quickly stopped and got off to see if he was okay, but by the time I got to him, he was standing again. He told me he was fine, and asked me to help him get his bike up. While we were lifting his bike up, he began to scream at me to let go of his arm. I told him that I didn't have a hold of his arm. He got a puzzled look on his face and then looked at his arm and with a fearful expression he told me he was not alright. At that moment, my friend dropped dead."
David looked down and reached up to wipe tears away. Tom couldn't look at him either.
"I wonder a lot of times if my friend wasn't seeing the demons pull him into Hell," David said, then sighing and shaking his head, "If I only kept my ministry game face on, instead of falling into that trap."
"Well you can't be sure of that..." Tom started, trying to give some comfort.
"But that is the problem, Tom," David said, "We're not sure. I want to be sure that my departed friends are in Heaven. Falling into our traps can have eternal consequences for others as well. We must get your ministry back to flowing soon. You work with the youth, Tom. That is a crucial age."
Tom nodded his head in agreement.
"What can I do to get going again?" he asked.
"Get back to praying a lot this week," David said, "I'm sure you haven't been doing that as much lately. I wasn't when I was in that rut. Also, go before the congregation this Sunday and tell them that you have sinned. Don't go into the specifics on it, but just tell them you've sinned and you feel it has affected your ministry and ask for their prayers and forgiveness. We have a good group of people here. We already have the proud board member cornered, so hopefully with that, you can get this mess behind you like I was able to do, and get back to doing what is important."
With that, Tom left the office, and entered the quiet sanctuary, sat in a pew and bowed his head.