Patience and the Marshmallow

I learned a great principle that has helped me throughout my life from my son Sterling when he was about 6 years old.had the habit of getting out of bed and playing with his toys after we had tucked him in bed for the night. Since his bedroom was directly above the family room, my wife and I could hear him every time he got out of bed and started playing. Many a night I had to climb back up the stairs and go through the ritual we had of putting him back in bed and explaining why he needed to get to sleep.

After a particularly hard day at work and sick with a cold, I had just put Sterling down for the night and had comfortably settled into my easy chair when I suddenly heard a banging sound coming from what I thought was up stairs. I thought, Sterling is out of bed again to play with his toys after I specifically warned him not to, hoping to skip the nightly ritual of going back up stairs to tuck him back in. This time I stomped up the stairs, admittedly impatient. As I approached Sterling's room, I opened the door and yelled, "Sterling get back in bed and stop playing with your toys!" I unexpectedly noticed that Sterling was in his bed trying to go to sleep just as I had asked him to. Again, I heard the banging sound and realized that is was the side door on the garage banging from the wind.

Oh no, I thought, here I just scolded my son for doing what I had asked him to do, and not in the kindest voice. Yes, I felt stupid and ashamed. I slowly walked over to his bed set down and told him I was sorry for yelling at him especially when he had done nothing wrong. Sterling set up threw his arms around my neck and said, "Oh daddy, just be patient with me." We hugged and I knew then that patient was something I needed to work on.

In the 1960s, Walter Mischel carried out any interesting experiment with children. He would place the children in a room with a marshmallow and told them they could eat the marshmallow now or if the waited, while he stepped out for a few minutes, for his return they would receive another marshmallow. Then behind a two-way mirror, the children were observed to see what they would do. Out of six hundred and fifty three children most ate the marshmallow before Mischel returned, however; thirty percent did wait and received another one. Years later through follow up questionnaires to all the children who participated in the experiment, Mischel found that those who were not able to delay eating the marshmallow were more likely to have behavior problems at home and at school, had lower S.A.T scores, problems paying attention, and difficulty maintain relationships. Those who could wait received two hundred and ten points higher, on average, on their S.A.T. (See Jonah Lehrer,"Don't!" The Secret of Self-Control," New Yorker, May 18, 2009, 26-27).

Patient truly is a virtue and can have a profound influence in our lives.

Principle: developing and praying for the gift of patient is critical for a productive and happy life.

Application: One way to teach the importance and benefits of patience would be to have your children plant a garden or a portion of it that is their responsibility to take care of. Throughout the summer, you can discuss the importance of working on the garden so that it will produce and then at the end when they can harvest the "fruit" of their labors you can discusses the importance of patient in working towards something. Another idea would be to set a goal with your children for only a week or two, something they work towards (doing chores, extra work around the house, etc.), and then receive a reward (more time on the computer, video game, TV, etc.), showing them the importance of being patient as they delay instant gratification. Parents, are you an example of delayed gratification or do you insist on having everything now? Your example will be the best teacher for your children, so as you have your children set goals for delay some gratification do it with them to show them how important this principle is to you too.

For more principles you can teach your children with practical way to apply them go to www.whowillteachthechildren.com