Paul Rance - the Greatest Man in History

My life has been extraordinary, so I thought I'd share my life story with you, and it may inspire you to greatness yourself.

I was born in Tahiti in 1833, and, though life was basic, we were happy. I had plenty of time to work on my first novel, 'Oliver Twist', which was published in 1832.

I got tired of the heat of Tahiti, though, and took my 27 wives to Alaska, who, sadly, all perished quite quickly because of their only having their native clothes with them. Luckily, they all had life insurance...

I took a plane out of Alaska as soon as my dearly beloved 27th wife was buried - just couldn't face living in a place that had bought me so much unhappiness. A family called Palin also wanted to hunt me and put me on a spit, which seemed a bit off.

In 1768 I arrived in America, and got quite pally with a chap called George Washington. He told me he wanted to make America independent of British rule, He was one of those fellows who seemed all talk, and, not surprisingly, I heard no more of him.

The 1970s saw my creativity reach a new high in terms of quality. I was working on my paintings. 'Sunflowers' was one of my best, but a Dutch painter, who seemed missing an ear, stole it. I wrote a beautiful piece of music and called it 'Moonlight Sonata', but a deaf German man stole that, too. I felt disappointed.

You may well remember my flight to Mars in a glider, in 2047, which I built out of used matchsticks. I found Mars a bit chilly, in my shorts, but it was well red - a bit like me (I have many books).

As I addressed the United Nations during my fifth consecutive term as the Mongolian President, in 1907, I told the assembled losers that everyone should be capable of greatness. Some people may not be capable of believing just how much I've achieved, but there will always be doubters.

Many of you would have seen me win the 100 metres title in the 1927 Olympics in Buffalo. My time was 8.65 seconds. Many said that a human being couldn't run that fast. It was, they would say, "Impossible."

Nothing is impossible. Don't let anyone deter you from aiming for the Moon. I hope that my story will inspire you into becoming as great as me. Though there is one thing... How the hell does anyone get 1 MILLION page views on Associated Content?