Paula Deen for President

To Americans who say it's time to elect a woman as President, I say "Right on!" I even know the woman, someone who reflects all that's good about America.

No - not Hillary. I'm referring to Paula Deen.

Yes indeed. Paula Deen, the Southern belle of home cooking and host of a wildly popular show on cable TV's Food Network. Hillary can yammer all she wants that it "takes a village." Paula has real-world experience feeding the village.

Hotshot political analysts should consider all the pluses Paula brings to a presidential campaign. For openers, she appeals directly to both overt and latent libertarian sentiments. Have you ever seen the way Paula slaps big sticks of butter into a griddle? Political correctness be hanged. Paula knows this nation was built not on fat-free, taste-free "cuisine," but rather on pot pies and banana pudding.

Paula also appeals to America's entrepreneurs, the dreamers who become doers. After being divorced, single-mom Paula parleyed a $200 investment into a Savannah catering business that ultimately evolved into The Lady and Sons restaurant. Today, customers gladly wait hours to get into her establishment.

Think about it: a candidate that's pro-business and pro-butter.

Paula is a successful author. Not like Barack or Hillary, either. People actually read "The Lady and Sons Just Desserts" and "Living It Up, Southern Style." In our family, Chef Carol pores over Paula's cookbooks and successful monthly magazine the way a dedicated rabbi studies the Torah. If such devotion is any indication of voter interest, Paula Deen will serve up a coconut-covered political landslide.

And then there's Paula's pro-family image. Paula's boys, Bobby and Jamie, have been part of her success from the get-go. They've shared TV success with their mother, and they're as telegenic as any two fellows you'll find in America. Michael, Paula's devoted (and hungry) husband, rounds out the family circle. Think Camelot with barbecue sauce.

What about foreign policy? you ask. Paula's down-home style will make crafting American diplomacy...well, forgive me, as easy as pie. Not long ago, Food Network broadcast her gastronomic tour of Western Europe. She charmed even the French, and that should tell you all you need to know.

With all due respect to Mitt and Rudy and now Fred, Paula has already won the hearts of Americans, taking the foolproof route through the stomach.

Now we just have to find a running mate to balance the ticket. Duncan Hunter may not be Duncan Hines, but maybe he can whip up a decent salad.