Pay Attention or Miss Your Blessing!

Waking up this morning slightly congested and breathing only out of one nostril, I figured it was my allergies acting up as usual. Glancing over at the clock, I immediately noticed it was 8:20. She passed away 08.20.08. I've become a bit superstitious, more intuitive or even more kooky. I pay attention to every little thing, but I didn't always.

My grandmother Sissy was always big on numerology. Playing the lottery religiously, she "hit" the number often enough to make it worthwhile. When I was growing up, whenever we where running low on money, she'd receive "a blessing", particularly around the holidays.

Folks would say it was against God's will, but she figured God was who gave her the gift of numerical insight and she gladly accepted it. By using her talents to the fullest, she was blessed repeatedly.

My mother Sandy died 8 years 2 months and 5 days prior to her mother Sissy. 8.25 is my birthday. The superstition or intuition was bagging me over the head. Most wouldn't have noticed the timing, but I did, and it screamed: "PAY ATTENTION!" I tried. I tried to figure it out.

Grandmom didn't sleep for nearly 5 days before she died. I called, but she couldn't come to the phone. I know I should have just gone by to see her, but I didn't realize she'd be gone so soon.

I know it sounds completely self-centered of me to even fathom she'd hold on just to make a point. To ensure I got my "blessing". It must have taken so much effort and energy for her spirit to alert me, and I blew it. Not once, but twice at least. Follow me carefully, and pay attention.

On my birthday, 5 days after Grandmom passed, the game she played faithfully announced the following winning numbers: 615. So what's the connection? My mother died 6.15. Ok, so that's merely a coincidence right? I don't believe in coincidence.

Growing up with a Grandmother who dreamt things before they occurred, felt things before they were heard, and got payouts from the lottery like others receive regularly on the job-- I knew something was coming. I just didn't have the same knack to identify it.

As I've gotten older, if I see a number repeat itself, it generally comes out in the lottery within a week. Some of what my grandmom had rubbed off on me. I generally get bored with it and stop playing after about 3 or 4 days. It's a combination of lack of faith and funds that prevents my due diligence. The battle within that tells me it's crazy takes over and I miss out on the win. I miss my blessings.

Previously, I implied I missed out more than once. Since, I didn't win on my birthday, I was upset. Feeling I had wasted grandmom's last efforts somehow. I don't know how things work in the cosmos, the universe, the parallel worlds, but I felt it must take a great deal of energy or spirit to send out a shout-out. So, I really wanted to PAY ATTENTION this time and hopefully she wouldn't feel I was a big ol' dummy.

Her funeral and burial was scheduled for 08.27.08. My uncle told me to go to the funeral home to sign some papers. After my mom died, Grandmom told me she had me down as a beneficiary on a life insurance policy she'd taken out on herself. I wasn't really listening when she was speaking because I had just lost my mom and didn't want to hear anything about preparing for another funeral. I planned my mother's funeral at the prompting of my grandmother saying, "You have to learn some time."

So, I went to the funeral home to sign the papers. The lady informed me that the policy would kick in to take care of any remaining balance since there was another policy as well. I recalled Grandmom telling me the policy was only a thousand dollars. So, I thumbed through the first few pages before signing the one stapled to the top and came across the modest policy, which had my uncle as the beneficiary.

Quickly figuring an estimate for cost, based on my mom's funeral expense totaling about $8000, I thought my uncle would likely have to come out-of-pocket for whatever carried over for my grandmom's funeral. By signing the papers, I felt that at least it helped a little. I didn't have anything else to offer.

On 08.27.08, Grandmom had a beautiful home going. People I hadn't seen for years were there. The clergyman was a comedian, and my first cousin sang Grandmom's favorite: "Going up Yonder" without having practiced previously. It was perfect. Still, the entire day I felt grief, mourning, and a nagging feeling that I had to play something in the lottery. I did.

If I could have one more shot, I'd figure it out. I felt I should play the same number with one number off. I had missed it 2 days before and thought, well it can come out again with one number away from the first. I was right. It came out 614; I played 616. The Big Four came out 8026-- one day off from my birthday, one day off from the funeral. I missed that one too.

Just prior to heading into the gas station to play, I asked my husband, "What do you see with these numbers?" I had worked out all kinds of combinations on paper. "All I see is 6s and 8s," was his answer. I played every combo I could think of except: 0 0 8 0 6 which came out in Quinto.

I gave up after that.

A few weeks later, I received a letter in the mail with a check enclosed for $51.00. The letter stated that the full amount of the life insurance policy had been applied to the funeral. It was not the thousand dollars I had expected, but ten thousand dollars. I had signed over the entire amount and only just now discovered what I had signed because of the premium refund of $51.00. Otherwise, I would have never known. I hadn't noticed any specific amount on the papers I had signed, and no one had mentioned the amount to me.

Oh well, I wouldn't have done things differently had I known. My protesting about the way the funeral costs should have been paid would have only caused confusion. My grandmother had taken care of me most of my life, and she deserved the beautiful send off she received. I just can't help but think she was shaking her celestial head at my not PAYING ATTENTION!