Penny King Chronicles #2 from Hollywood Hills to Santa Barbara, the Search Continues...

For those of you who don't know, I'm on an eternal quest for truth, knowledge, and financial advice. "The Penny King" is widely talked about on Associated Content and other sites, and usually from AC Content Producer Alex Gabor. Gabor indicates in one article that "The Penny King" was a figment of his imagination, but I tend to disagree. I believe "The Penny King" is real, and I intend to find him. Not just for the simple fact he will exchange me one dollar for my penny, (possibly more) but grant me the answer to one infinite financial question which I've been waiting to ask all my life!

When we last left I was in the Hollywood Hills but received a tip the elusive "Penny King" was headed to Santa Barbara to an old Spanish Mission. Why there, I did not know. I started the quest up the West Coast from the Hollywood Hills.

A native of Baltimore I still can't believe how absolutely beautiful California is. I fell in love with Santa Barbara as it was absolutely amazing. The Spanish architecture I had never witnessed before (other than the fake facades of Taco Bell fast food restaurants in Baltimore.) I would have to thank "The Penny King" for this quest when I saw him, right before asking for important financial advice.

The drive up the coast had me stopping for good camera shots, even though I knew I'd better hurry as I was already behind him. I have to admit, I wasn't that worried as I recalled reading something about "The Penny King" having an electric bicycle. Though I could not confirm, I do also remember something about him having gone to McDonald's and having left on a bicycle. I was not sure how fast "The Penny King" could travel on bike when it would take me 90 minutes by car.

Somewhere along the way I became lost. I found myself going over a giant arched bridge over a valley in the mountains. Since I was scared of heights I found myself frazzled, and things only got worse. After traveling back and forth for several hours, and having a very scary movie-star-like lady in scantily clad clothes and very large Botox body parts give me directions. Within another hour, I was finally at the Spanish Mission where the "The Penny King" was supposed to be.

A cloaked female volunteer came to my aid. I explained I was looking for "The Penny King." She motioned me to the side of the mission. This is where she whispered, "You have just missed him. He left me with this. He's a very wise man." She pulled out something that looked like an old bond certificate.

I read it and it said, "Bearer Collection Agent Appointment Agreement" and was signed by none other than the Penny King.

I asked the volunteer what he looked like. She replied, "Tall, dark, and extremely handsome." I pulled out a mugshot photo of Alex Gabor that I found on his AC producer page. I asked her, "Was this him?" She replied, "Oh no, that's not him. This guy here is very handsome too." She smiled and continued to look at the photograph, entranced by Gabor.

Bingo. I knew now the Penny King existed, and that the lady in the mission was horny. I had to get going, but decided in exchange for one last question, I could leave her with Gabor's picture.

Finding "The Penny King" would be a chore. I phrased this question carefully. I asked, "Did he indicate to you where he was going, anything that may help me find him?" She said, "He said he has business in Pismo Beach. That is up the coast more. He mentioned having to deliver something to someone staying at the Campground there. You can go and ask around and maybe you will find him."

I found myself hopping back in my car, pulling out my map and trying to find Pismo Beach. I shook my fist to eh air and yelled, "D*mn you Penny King, I will find you!" I figured somewhere, somehow, he was laughing out loud at me.